AHH, RAIN...

Rain. I love it!!! I always have. I remember being an ittey-bittey at grandma's house and running out into rain. Arms wide open, head cocked back, mouth open, tongue out and experiencing such incredible joy getting soaked to the bone. I loved to run naked through it. I still do. Much to the dismay of some of our neighbors. What can I say, me and rain got a history that goes WAY back. I love the sound of it. I love the smell of it. And I do indeed enjoy standing out there in it. Yeah, I'm a bit odd. Thank Goddess!!! We were predicted to get some serious monsoon kind of rains over night and into today. Guess what? It didn't happen. We are now in the midst of a wonderfully gentle rain. Here in 'sconsin summer is about to leave the building and fall is ringing the door bell. Yeah, transition. I love living in a location that has four very distinct seasons. Three of which include rain. Considering that I am an individual that is scared SHITLESS of water (hey, I almost drowned twice when I was a kid and when you get right down to it, fish fuck in it. Think about it! Yuck!!!) I stop just short of showering in a life preserver. Yet, I will stand in the rain and tap dance. I have no idea... I am setting here in silence, all of the windows open and listening to it rain. What is left of my heart is singing. I am within seconds of going out and standing out on the steps and getting soaked in water falling from the sky. I hope that you follow my lead.

WHEN THE HELL DID WE ALL GET THIS FUCKING OLD???

Oh my stars. When did this happen??? This coming weekend Sea Squirt and I are getting together with his older sister, his niece, nephew and his great nephew and two great nieces. Hang on, it gets much stranger. About two months ago one of his great nieces hatched an egg. Yeah, great-great uncle Sea Squirt. Yeah, I crawl under the sheets and spoon naked with someones great-great uncle. Which by default makes me great-great auntie Donaldo. I'm still not sure which on of those revelations freaks me out more. I have watched way too many little bitties become adults. Sea Squirts youngest great nephew is now a Senior in high school and he is checking out colleges. Please, I remember him with chocolate smeared on his face. When I first moved here to 'sconsin I met a wonderful couple. She was pregnant with twins. Guess what, they graduate from college next spring. WTF?!?!?!?!? Now, granted, I have had the good fortune to run through many. many time zones ( and more than my fair share of water sprinklers, plow through passports and sit under palm trees and giggle) but, where did the time go??? I know in my dark little heart that I have indeed had a damned good time with it (isn't that what you're supposed to do with it???) but that old dude in the mirror is a stranger to me. That reflection may still have a cheeky grin, a giggle in his throat and a spark in what is left of his eyes but it's the face. I honestly don't recognize it anymore. Yeah, me and this face have done some stuff. Been some places. Done some really silly ass shit. Here's to old cheese...

TAP DANCE!!!

Today, an icon was ripped from my fingers.  I am angry as hell!!!

Today we lost Ms. Lauren Bacall.  She started as a model and then went into movies.  And her world exploded into grandeur.  Hell, she was married  to Humphrey Bogart.  Can you actually get any better than that???

She was glamorous.  She was gorgeous.  Hell, she was who she was.  Shit, she was Lauren on the surface and movie posters but to her friends she was just Betty.  Shit, she was one of the founding members of the "Rat Pack".  Whether she wanted it or not. I love that!!!

Dear woman, travel safe, travel far and tap dance on stars...  With Bogie...

You will be in my heart forever!!!

OH CRAP!!!

Well, the day has finally come.  My 50's are soon to be officially over.  Yes, in a few short hours I officially jump into the shallow end of my 60's.  I'm still not sure where I stand on that one yet...  Hell, do any of us???

I can cuss like a whore (in 9 languages that I can somewhat remember.  Trust me, I know some REALLY colorful stuff), been me some places, done me some stuff, have met some wonderful souls and unfortunately have been to way too many funerals for way too many fellow crazies.  Oh, Goddess, shell shocked and t-boned way too many times my ass still goes on.  I'm damned thankful for that.  Why did I end up with a royal flush???

I am truly a "scratch and dent" sale.  In retrospect, I have loved every FUCKING second of it.  Even when I had to haul myself off the floor from a fetal position, dust myself off and go on.  Hey, sometimes shit just happens.  And sometimes shit can be an incredible character builder.  Who knew???

Tonight Sea Squirt and I are going out for cocktails and a couple of Reuben sandwich baskets at one of our favorite Madison dives.  I love that!!!  Oddly enough, my needs are indeed simple.  Although Sea Squirt would never admit to that.  I think that he views me as a "bit" high maintenance but I can't really say that I blame him.  Just think hand grenade with the pin pulled out...

Here's to a new door opening.  And Reuben sandwiches in a local watering hole that I love.  Hey, how can life possibly get any better than that???

YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO BE SILLY...

I am a firm believer in this.  Trust me. The older you get the more shit you can get away with.  Pretty much because they just don't want to fuck with you and you're starting to smell funny.  Hey, if you're gonna make an ass out of yourself then just do it proud.  Jayne Mansfield had a quote that I embrace and hold dear to my heart to this day..  "Hey, if you're gonna make a mistake, make it a big one.  You're gonna get blamed the same either way".  How can you not love that???  It has become my credo.  Yes, indeed, I am a train wreck.  Hell, I'd have it no other way.  I have been known to address highrise buildings in the 3rd person and moon a city bus or two.  You don't believe me?  Just ask the guy in Michigan.  Goddess, he has some dirt on me...  He's got so much dirt on me it hurts!!!  Again, I would have it no other way...

I live in Madison, 'sconsin and we are a bit looney here.  Well, basically either under or over medicated at any given moment.  We don't care either way.  Either way can be the roller coaster ride of your life.  Yeah, just a bunch of loonies. I have been blessed.

This is Madison.  We're so not normal.  Today I decided to just cut loose and go completely feral.  Oh, please, I'm only 3 days from turning 61.  I can pretty much do what the fuck I want.  This city has some of the most amazing green spaces, parks and arboretums imaginable.  Truly world class.  One of the best is Olbrich Gardens.  A true stunner.

For the last 8 years a bunch of  crazies has been hosting a party there every July called "Escape Adulthood". Once again, right into the shallow end of the gene pool.  Yep, I did a cannonball.  It was a seminar and I really do use that in weakest terms imaginable.  Oh. c'mon, how can you not love that???  We got to write our own name tags.  BIG mistake!!!  Well, of course, I was Betty Grable.  A Lego licker, an expert napper and a Cap'n Crunch fan..  Yeah, I had to print REALLY small.  Little did they know I had a surprise up my panty hose.  Yes, my fellow cohort, Dr. Benson Honeydew and myself  revealed a "Device To Save The World".  OK, it was really nothing more than 7 cardboard boxes tuct taped together in a rather odd way.  Of course, all the while I am giving my discourse ( I honestly don't even know what that means...) I am wearing a McDonald's kids meal box on my head with a Tickle Me Elmo in my pants that kept vibrating.  I have to admit, that part of it was pretty fun...

As I plummet into my "Golden Years"  (BTW, who came up with that bullshit???)  I'm not going to do it quietly.  Oh, hell, kicking and screaming is SO much my style. Trust me, get the rhino darts ready.  I would suggest you have at least a dozen on hand.  Trust me, I ain't going down easy...

Sing like nobody is listening.  Dance like nobody is watching .  And then run naked in the front yard through the sprinkler. Scare the shit of your neighbors.  Hell, that's what they're there for!!!

Never, EVER stop being silly!!!

TODAY, WE LOST AN ICON...

Oh my stars, we have just lost something so precious.  Her name was Elaine  Stritch..  Star of Broadway, films and television.  Hey, if you're going to do it, well, then do it right.  Reach for the stars and just grab them out of the sky.  It just can't get any better than that.

Her character spanned decades.  She was a brassy old broad (goddess, I love those kind of women), she never backed down and she went through treatment a couple of times.  And again, never backed down or made excuses for who or where she was.  Again, I love that.  When you can embrace your mistakes and shortcomings openly it's a giant leap forward.  And I applaud her for that.  It does indeed take a LOT of stones to take that exit. It can be wreck less and scary. To go public the way she did took  "stones" to a whole other level.  I bow to her for her back bone.

Dear woman, you did indeed entertain me.  It more was than you can possibly imagine.  Travel safe, travel far and tap dance on stars...

IN THE NAME OF GODDESS, WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING???

Corn.  Oh, wonderful corn!!!

Tonight my kitchen turned into its own private hell.  OK, I'll be honest, it was a self inflicted injury.  The sad part of it is, I never even saw it coming.  As an aside, I am one of those loons that raids local farmer's markets and road side stands looking for the fresh stuff that I can stock the freezer with for the winter.  Please, by the time I'm done our freezer looks like I'm stocking up for the siege of Moscow.  As Goddess in my witness, I'll never go hungry!!!

At any rate, I've been yanking stuff out of freezer like crazy to make room for the current years stash of nibbly bits.  Low and behold, buried back in the corner I find two boneless, skinless chicken breasts.  Damned near a year old.  Thank Goddess for vacuum sealers.  So I yank them out, put them in the fridge to defrost and then quickly forget about them.  Yeah, this was about 3 days ago.  Well, I found them today.  Well, I thought to myself, what the fuck am I gonna do with these things?  Fast!!!  So, I just grab one of my cookbooks off of the shelve.  Yeah.  Betty Crocker.  1959.  That should have been my first red flag...  I decided to make chicken breaded in smashed Corn Flakes. (For you readers out there that are familiar with this recipe, well then, you're as old as me!!!)  Again, what was I thinking???

So, I throw this simple 5 ingredient recipe together and pop it in the oven.  45 minutes later, it's dinner with some wonderful locally grown sweet corn (also from last year).  Hey, I was totally cool with that.  I think the last time I actually had this chicken was back in the early 1960's.  Goddess, I love me a time machine...

When we were done I looked at the baking dish and cringed.  At 375 degrees for 45 minutes butter, chicken grease and Corn Flakes turn into mortar.  A building material if you will.  The "scunge" (yes, that's my own word) that was baked onto the bottom of that thing was frightening.  I soaked it.  Without much success.  I went at it with scrubbies.  Then steel wool.  Again, all without much success.  So I soaked it again.  Hell, it's still soaking.  This stuff is a weird  cross between adobe and concrete.

I have racked my brain.  I don't remember my mother or any of my aunt's hitting this road block.  What the hell did I do wrong???  Have Corn Flakes started being made out of asbestos now???  I'm getting real close to just tossing the damned thing and buying a new one.

Goddess, why???