Lasagna! Lasagna! Lasagna!

Did you know that in Polish it means "I love you"?   Oh hell, don't believe that, I lie like a cheap suit!!!  Trust me, it's true...

In  1980 I was living in Minneapolis with my first partner David, (he called himself Dave but I called him David.  Pissed him off so badly he blew smoke out of his ass).   More on that later...

So, I'm in the kitchen cooking up some soup one day and David comes home from work.  Keep in mind that this was my day off so naturally I had a few martini's in me.  As did the soup.  We were both feeling wonderful...  god only knows what got into me but from out of nowhere I grabbed him and forced him into a polka thru the living room all the while singing "Lasagna, lasagna, lasagna!  In Polish it means I love you!"  Repeatedly.  As we did the polka.  And I have to tell you, he was  damned good at the polka.  After all, he was from Pittsburgh and of heavy Polish descent.  He bit on this one hook, line and sinker so I reeled him in.  In less than two minutes I had him believing that lasagna really was Polish for I love you!!!  He actually thanked me for teaching him a new word in Polish.  Lasagna???  He was Polish for chris'sakes and he fell for this one???

Jump ahead a few years.  He goes to visit family in Pittsburgh that he has not seen in almost 2 decades.  He walks up to one of his aunts, throws his arms around her and gleefully exclaims "LASAGNA!"  Well, of course, she looks at him like he's nuts.   A short time later he is made aware of the fact that lasagna is NOT Polish for I love you but instead is an Italian pasta dish.  He was crushed.  And I got a phone call from Pittsburgh.  I won't share the gory details...

Jump ahead another 20 years.  Sea Squirt.  Oh god, he is so gullible that it's almost criminal for me to be with him at times.  I turned him onto Mexico and he lost his heart to her.  He thinks I "speak" Spanish.  LMAO!!!   Oh, well, he is from the Fox Valley after all...   When we met he didn't know a word in Spanish so I decided to start teaching him some along with a few phrases to get him by when we are down there.  He's a quick learner so all went well.  Then the urge hit me.  I just HAD to teach him something really stupid in Spanish.  Nosotros.  In Spanish it means "we" depending upon the context of use.  By the time I was finished with him he thought it meant "many noses".  Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.

Anyone out there remember Firesign Theater and their 1970's comedy album "I Think We're All Bozo's On This Bus"?   There is a line on that album, " 'Bozotros', from the Spanish 'nosotros', meaning 'many noses' ".  Think about it, it's about clowns on a bus!!!  I love that line.  So, several years ago we're down in Bucerias and the fridge is covered in those little magnets with words on them that you make sentences out of as you sober up.   All of them in Spanish.  And what do I find???  One that says "nosotros"!!!  I was in heaven.  Especially since that was the year we were down there for Halloween and I had brought a selection of foam clown noses to pass around.  The very next day, Sea Squirt is  talking with our good friend who lives next door and "nosotros" reared it's ugly, if not hilarious, head.

I was up on the roof of the house we were staying in catching some rays and swilling margy's when I hear our good friend break into peels of laughter.  Then I hear her say, "He told you WHAT???" followed immediately by "Donn!!!  Get your ass over here NOW!!!"  By the time I get downstairs I am met in the driveway by Sea Squirt and our friend, who has both hands on her hips and patting a flip-flopped foot in the dirt so frantically even the scorpions were running.   With her head cocked at an angle and one eye brow dangerously arched she looks me straight in the eye and says "NOSOTROS???".   Busted.  Then she broke into laughter again, gave me a hug and said, "Priceless!!!".  I love her!!!

Sea Squirt quickly informed me that he will never again trust me around anything even remotely involving a foreign tongue.  Well, he might just be right on that one.  I don't trust myself around foreign tongues either...

Adios!  Which, BTW, is Mandarin for "Got any gum?".