Oh lord, just fuck me in a dirt road until I bleed! And not in that good way that I like. A PC???
As you all know, I am a die-hard, dedicated, card carrying MAC person. I love Apple. They're FABULOUS!!! User friendly little things they are. Intuitive. Warm and fuzzy. Cuddly. Bottom line, they just make sense. PC's are scary. And stupid. They make about as much sense a a bowling ball with nipples. Or a wet paper bag full of rocks at a TSA line up. I hate PC's almost (yes, ALMOST) as much as I hate Microsoft!!! How the hell did all of you mindless cattle get sucked into the psychic vampire vacuum of Windows??? Let alone, how did you manage to get convinced it made sense? Or worked anywhere near efficiently? Or that it didn't need more bandaids and "patches" as a runaway trainwreck on the brown acid??? It's a cluster fuck in a blender on puree with too much salt!!!
OK, with that said.... My 11 year old, coal fired MAC laptop finally gave up the ghost. Died. Gone. Just gone. Dropped like a turd from a tall cows ass it did. Much the way Catherine The Second of Russia did in 1796. Right to the ground, totally off the radar and right of the throne. Not the Royal Throne, mind you, the one she was peeing on. But I digress....
So, here I set, in front of my "new" PC. A very gracious gift from a dear friend who shall remain nameless (Nancy Garcia) who was in the process of updating here system. It's a tower, I've never owned one of those before. I had now idea where to put it. It's got an enormous flat screen that's huge. I went to Staples and with the help of a fiendeshly friendly computer gamer geek actually managed to upgrade myself to a cordless keyboard and mouse. I also told him that I was looking for typewrighter ribbons. His eyes glazed over and he damn near fainted. When I asked him if there were any keyboards with a rotary dial he ran like the Siege of Leon was coming...
Now, back to my rant. Bill Gates should be hung out to dry!!! Microsoft should be outlawed by The Hague!!! This is the single most back-asswards operating system I have ever worked on in my life!!! It's draconian!!! It's hateful!!! It's stupid!!! It's convoluted!!! It's a CLUSTERFUCK!!! jesus christ!!! Everything on Microsoft is totally reversed from Mac. I have cancelled damn near everything I have attempted to do or download (porn) and lost just about everything else I have tried to save.
And what the hell is up with this left/right two click mouse thing??? DUH!!! Wuh?!? What the fuck were you thinking??? (OK, I give you credit for the roller ball thing, I'm getting used to that) But, dude, could you have possibly made a mouse more complicated??? It's a mouse, not rocket science.
Why is fucking everything on Microsoft hidden??? Where does it mysteriously go when you accidently close it? Why are there no drop down menus? GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING PORN YOU ROTTEN BITCH!!!
I am slowly going full blown bat shit crazy with this new computer. It vexes me. It disturbs me. It makes me want to grab a handgun and run to the nearest liquor store and just run totally nuts.
Beware, I'm back...
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