This one is just WAY too good to pass up!!!

I swear, you just can't make this kind of shit up.  Have you heard about this one yet?  It's too twisted for bail!!!

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. -- A Fort Lauderdale man awoke Tuesday night to find his clothes on fire and his girlfriend standing over him with a lighter, according to the Broward Sheriff's Office.

In a complaint affidavit, a BSO deputy said he went to the home of Berlinda Dixon Newbold, 38, at about 9:15 p.m. after police received an anonymous report of a domestic disturbance.  Police said Dixon-Newbold and her boyfriend, Sheldon Gonzales, had gotten into an argument. Gonzales told the deputy that he fell asleep after the argument and later awoke to "a burning sensation in the crotch of his pants," according to the affidavit.Gonzales told police he looked down and saw that the bottom of his shirt over his crotch area was on fire, and he looked up to see Dixon-Newbold holding a cigarette lighter.

Police said Gonzales put out the fire with his hands and tried to leave but Dixon-Newbold confronted him and they began arguing. A neighbor overheard and called police.

Dixon-Newbold was arrested on a charge of aggravated assault with intent to commit a felony.

And now, my commentary...

OUCH!!!

OMG, this made me laugh so hard I peed!!!  It brings a whole new meaning to the term "weenie roast" that I don't even want to envision.  Holy shit, Batman, she singed his sausage!!!   I can only imagine what the original argument was about but I'm sure the one that ensued after the flames were put out was a whole helluva lot more heated.  Sorry, bad pun I know...

I've been racking my  brain though.   Aggravated  assault with intent to commit a felony?   When the bloody hell did a bit of pre-holiday crotch arson become an attempted felony?   Frightening?  Yes.  Felony?  No.  Why the bloody hell did he decide to curl up on the sofa and take a nap after the first argument was "over"?   Dude, are out of your freaking mind???    How much alcohol was involved in this little mishap???   How long had he been fucking her sister??? 

Nothing says Happy Holidays to me more than a little tally-wacker torching.  Ho-Ho-Ho!!!   And to all a good night.  Just make sure that you sleep with one eye open...