OK, I'll admit it. I'm addicted to porn. Lord, I love the stuff!!! Don't ever ask to use my computer. You'll probably end up putting your brain in the dishwasher. On the pot scrubber cycle. With a couple of scrubbies and a bar of soap of two, just for good measure. Yeah, my hard drive is... well, shall we say, "hard".
I do have my limits, though. Really, I'm not kidding. OK, stop laughing.... The internet is awash in porn. A tsunami of it, if you will. And I love it. It's like my own personal narcotic. I'm all about endorphins and self medicating. Anyway... I have found some of the weirdest porn on line imaginable. Truly twisted shit. Especially all of that stuff coming out of Russia and Eastern Europe. WOW!!! How bloody bad was 7 decades of communism and standing in line for just about everything that they now think incest and rape is warm and fuzzy??? Straight, gay, animals, on the hood of a Zil, hell even farm machinery. And occasionally some bread dough. WTF??? Then there's the kiddy porn thing... I have managed to hit more links to this stuff than I can count. Of course, I back out IMMEDIATELY and shut my computer off. Then I go put my brain in the dishwasher. I have actually found myself on a few sites that were labled as "NAMBLA approved". Just a nano-second on those sites and it was pot scrubber cycle time. TWICE!!! How the hell can you be NAMBLA "approved"??? That's like a freaking thumbs up from Cthulu!!! Yeah, Google that word, you'll be amazed.
Now, as primates with opposable thumbs and well developed frontal lobes I'm willing to cut all of us a little slack. And when you couple those two traits with stereoscopic vision the inevitable consequence is inventiveness. It's just the nature of the beast, I guess. But we have taken it a step further. "Niche" porn. Just how freaking twisted are we??? Apparently VERY much so.
So, here is my list of the scariest shit I have managed to find on line.
1. "Grannies Gone Wild". EWWW!!! Not pretty!!!
2. "Dude, Your Mom Is Hot!". Again, EWWW!!!
3. "Diaper Bioz". I considered cutting off both of my thumbs!!!
4. "Diaper Girlz". I guess it only made sense to have an alternative...
5. "Fun On the Farm". OMG!!! Shoot me out of a cannon!!!
6. "Drunk Teenie Queenies". Brain AND eyes, straight to pot scrubber!!!
7. "Don't Tell Mommy". I'm SO not taking that exit!!!
8. "Daddy's Best Friend". This has both gay and straight sites. EWWW!!!
9. "Felcher's Paradise". I didn't even know what that meant. EWWW!!!
10. "Super Hung Trannies". OK, that is just totally fucking wierd!!!
11. "Chicks With Dicks". Refer to # 10.
12. "Blatinos Do Eastern European Sluts". Wow, TOTALLY niche!!!
13. "Dude, Your Dad Is Hot". OK, I admit, I kind of liked that one....
14. "It's OK, I'm Your Step-daddy". TOTALLY DEER IN HEADLIGHTS!!!
15. "Thia Lady Boys With Bulgarian Miners". I swear to god, TRUE!!!
and my favorite... drum roll, please...
16. "Grandpa's Little Cream Pie Princess". OFMTT!!! Not only did my brain and eyes go into the dishwasher on this one, so did the computer, several pieces of furniture and some large floor plants!!! As well as my desk chair. And my underwear. And the ceiling fan.
All of this has proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up!!! Happily. Gladly. Smiling all the while. As they decide just which hole they can stick that rope up. You just gotta love opposable thumbs...
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