Oh yeah, this goes back for decades. Actually, for the better part of my life. All the way back to the '70's on Castro Street in San Francisco. Remember Sylvester? I do. She was at least 6 foot tall without hair and heels and just ruled the Elephant Walk bar. She went on to several top ten singles as I recall. She sang in her own voice, had hair the size of the Atstodome and could dance her fake tits off. Holy shit, that was theater if I ever saw it!!!
Minneapolis gave me the Waters' sisters, Misty, Stormy and Skybloo. Swear to god, Skybloo. And I can't forget the truly scary Miss Chi Chi Larue. Big as a barn and could have probably taken Divine in a fight. She's now an incredibly successful gay porn producer in L.A. with her own studio. And the unforgettable Trinket, the coat check girl at the Gay 90's. Think Ving Rhames in a 1970's prom dress and you get the picture...
Then there was Portland, Oregon. First there was Candi Jarr. Then there was Belle Jarr. Then there was Cookie Jarr. We all hoped it was it was over after that but then along came Dora Jarr. I have to admit, I was truly impressed with that name. Hell, what other option did she have left, Specimen Jarr??? Oops, can't forget the lovely Miss Lady Elaine Peacock. Talented as hell, size zero and had more sequins that Carol Channing's burial shroud. And enough mousse in her wig to build a Bullwinkle!!!
Australia introduced me to Cinderella Rockafella and the ever present Dame Edna Leverage. Oh my god, those two were insane!!! They hosted an annual competition between Sydney and Melbourne called "Search For A Tragedy" that was a hunt for the worst drag queens on the continent. And they found them too. By the fucking boat load. I witnessed some of the most frightening displays imaginable. My favorite was Missy Thing. Yep, Missy Thing. Think Onslo from "Keeping Up Appearances". In green spandex. Doing "Crocodile Rock". Oh my god, I need to go put my brain in the dishwasher again!!!
Madison. Hmmm, Madison... This place has the most sorry assed herd of drag queens I've ever seen. Girls, are there no mirrors in any of your single wides??? Trust me, you aren't fooling any one!!! The real high point was Tina. Ahh, Tina... We all called her "Tina From the Country". She was so sad you just wanted to pick her up and pet her like a lost puppy. And then dump her off at the Humane Society for euthanasia. Tina was a very closeted married man in his late 30's who was the assistant manager at a McDonald's. Like I said, sad... I swear she bought her wigs at Dollar Tree and got most of her "gowns" off of the side of the road somewhere near Boscobel. I hear she was abducted by aliens who for some reason decided to keep her. They must have very strange zoos on Mars...
But Mexico is a different story. I gotta tell you, those girls just rock down there. Ida Slaptor, Mama Dolores, Miss Jalapena, Windy Mills, Candi Dahhhling, Velveeta Cheeze and a group of nameless individuals known collectively as "The Dirty Bitches". A few years back I gave one of the "Bitches" a black leather mini-skirt I no longer had use for (don't even ask) and I got a proposal of marriage!!! I was tempted at first but later decided to decline her gracious offer when I found out that it would entail moving in with her parents in El Pitillal and sleeping over the chicken coop with her aunt and uncle. Don't get me wrong, her aunt and uncle were very nice people, as were the chickens but it just didn't seem right for me.
I love a man in a dress. I love a man out of a dress. Hell, I love a man when I'M in a dress!!! But when you put a man in hair and heels and put him on stage I'm right there in the front row with a fist full of singles and a smile on my face. Spectacle, theater of the absurd, illusion and Cirque on the brown acid fuel my fire. BIG TIME!!! Especially when I get my thigh personally autographed and a group picture that I can put on the Christmas cards to scare the bloody shit out of the relatives!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment