Karaoke Night at the nursing home...

OK, here's a scary thought that is just starting to piss the bloody hell out of me.  Over the next decade nursing homes are going to start filling up with worn out, tattered Baby Boomers.  That would be me.  Stop your damned laughing, that clock is ticking WAY to fast for my taste!!!  Even imagining that scenario chills me all the way down to my new hip.

Can you see me in a nursing home?  I just know it's going to be some hell hole called "Shitty Pines" that smells like patchouli and has a staff that carries rhino dart guns just to keep up in line.  Which when I think about it, that may not be so bad.  After all as Boomer I've always enjoyed a good buzz...

I picture the gowns being tie-dyed (I'll be wearing mine backwards just for effect), being herded down to the therapy room for Arts & Crap sessions  (I'll be making a paper mache bong), Jazzersize physical therapy sessions (I've always preferred Sleepersize sessions myself) and then those heinous Friday night karaoke things they love to subject you to.  If I have to do karaoke I swear to god I'm gonna snap!!!  Just like my hip did.  I'm turning "I'm Your Boogie Man" into "Here's My Booger, Man",  "Hot Stuff" into "Hot Soup" and "Get Up And Boogie" into "Come Here And Wipe Me"!!!  I'm gonna get darted, I just know it...

I'll orchestrate break-outs (OK, more like shuffle-outs probably) and I'll organize acts of  civil disobedience (I'm thinking of everyone filling their Depends simultaneously).   Hell, better yet, I'll start a mass movement even bigger than the Depends thing!  I'm gonna call it "Geezer Power".  And anyone who can get around in a wheelchair under their own power and still swallow at the same time is qualified to join.  We'll gather down in the lunch room and then wheel ourselves up to the nurses station, all chanting in unison:  "WE'RE OLD!!!  WE'RE CRANKY!!!  WHERE'S OUR FUCKING OATMEAL!!!  WE'RE OLD!!!  WE'RE CRANKY!!!  WHERE'S OUR FUCKING OATMEAL!!!"  And if our demands are not met THEN we do the Depends thing!!!  I'm sure Ghandi would approve.

As god is my witness, I will not take this sitting down!!!  Unless, of course, my other hip decides to take a shit on me...