I have found my calling!!!

Local cable access.  Yes, I said local cable access.  Hey, the air and studio time is free as well as all of the equipment use.  Free.  Let me say that again, FREE!!!  And you all know how I am about free stuff.  This has my name written all over it!!!

I have decided to give all of those pissy, self-important little panty wastes on the Food Network a run for their buns.  Bobby, Rachael, Paula...  watch your backs.  Mama Donn's kitchen is hitting the airwaves!!!

I have decided to call the program "Cooking With Beefcakes" and I'm now interviewing some of the hottest, ripped nibbly bits I can find to serve as my "assistants".  I want these guys to be smoking fine.  Of course, they will wear nothing but aprons.  Because I tend to deep fry way too many things.  And you know how I can be with bacon...  Bacon can be so unforgiving when you're at the stove naked.  Men tend to scream like little 5 year old girls when they've just been FULL frontally scared with a bacon grease splatter.  Trust me, it's true.  I sadly speak from experience.

I'm sure SubZero and Viking will get behind this for all of the top end major appliances that I will need.  I also hope to talk Menard's into donating all of the cabinets, counter tops and fixtures my little dream kitchen requires.  I have already emailed KitchenAid and Cuisinart about all the counter top electrics and cookware that I'll be needing.  From there it's just "lights, camera, action" and I'm on my way.  If all else fails I may have to film this thing "remote" in my own kitchen.  And considering that my kitchen is barely big enough for me and a postage stamp it could make for some very interesting moments.  What with three little studpuppies wearing nothing more than aprons, a smile on their faces and me armed with a bamboo spatula to keep them all in line.  

I'm already working on the recipes I want to bring to the world in a whole new light all my own.  Beanie-Weinies.  Hot crossed buns.  Stuffed rump roast. Bacon wrapped sausages. A glazed loin. Pigs in a blanket. Tongue.  LOTS of tongue.  Maybe I can even feature a foreign guest chef every so often.  I've always loved a little foreign tongue!!!

Yeah, I'm thinking it's probably best to air this program well after midnight...