...that some of you out there actually believe the shit that I post on this Blog. Are you out of your minds??? Hell, I don't even believe this crap. I don't put two-cents worth of believability into anything that comes out of my mouth so why should you??? Are you all having some sort of "Lasagna Moment"???
Ah, yes, a "lasagna moment". I remember it well. It was the best 5 year long prank I ever played. I damned near got the stuffing kicked out of me when it all came to light. It all began in 1980. I grabbed my partner at the time in the kitchen and began to polka with him (yes, I know how to polka) and broke into a rousing song that went something like "Lasagna, lasagna, lasagna... In Polish it means I love you". It was one of my sillier moments but he actually BELIEVED me. And he was Polish!!! What a rube...
So, 5 years later he comes back from a family reunion in Pittsburgh and has discovered that lasagna doesn't really mean "I love you" in Polish. He's devastated. And quite embarrassed. It seems that Aunt Pierogi had informed him that he had been been duped. By a Jew. He walked off that plane and damned near wrestled me to the tiles at Gate 15 on Concourse B. Holy shit, was he pissed!!! We separated but eventually reestablished a cordial and somewhat workable friendship. But my credibility with him was totally douched forever. Oh well... He eventually went on to become a Chicago based, ass kissing snob and I attained fabulosity, so I guess it all worked out in the end. I win!!!
But, again, people still believe me when I say something. I can't imagine why. Yes, some of it actually sounds believable (rarely) and some of it is so damned strange that even I don't believe I just said it. I don't know where this shit comes from. Head injury? Blunt force trauma? Dropped (or thrown) as a baby? The deer that came through the windshield of dad's 1969 Chrysler Town & Country station wagon as I careened into the ditch and flipped it over? The 70's??? Probably the 70's. I don't remember a second of them so I know that I must have been having a REALLY good time. I do however vaguely remember that Deep Purple concert. Sort of. I was on a half an ounce of VERY good mushrooms and didn't get most of my hearing back for almost a week and a half. I can't believe I'm not on the no fly list. What country in their right mind would keep renewing my passport??? OK, America. But that's a whole other Blog...
That wonderful little sea squirt, my other half, actually has pictures of me dancing naked in the snow wearing nothing but a rainbow clown wig and a smile. Hell, he's walked into the living rooming thinking we had a house full of guests only to find me there just talking to myself. In different voices. And genders. All of you get the privilege of only having to read my tripe, that little dude actually has to LIVE with me. Talk about the patience of Job!!! I suspect he's been looking for a heavy, blunt object for years just to put me out of his misery...
So, for those of you out there that for some unforeseen still give me a shred of cred... Yes, I take PayPal. Your credit card numbers, personal information and especially your Social Security Numbers will all be held in the STRICTEST of confidence. Please, call now, operators are waiting!!! Two for two on Tuesday!!! Almost free mi amigo!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment