When the bloody hell did this state turn into Gomerville??? 'sconsin used to be sensible. And safe. Or at the very least a little bit sane. Not any more though. We're so clustered here we couldn't fuck if our lives depended on it. I swear to god, every time you drop the soap here you've got an elected official sneaking up your ass just to hit you with a new turd tax!!!
We recently passed a new state law that makes it perfectly legal to carry concealed hand guns in public. As in EVERYWHERE in public. Schools, hospitals, stores, churches, town hall meetings, bars (never a good idea), public buildings and government buildings. You name it, if you can GPS it then you can pack heat in it. Needless to say, license applications poured into court houses from one end of the state to the other like a tsunami. It seems like every one and their grandmother wanted to get in on that ride. So much so in fact that the State Attorney General just enacted an official order that resends the mandated 4-hour training course that was required to qualify for the license. Why? It was going to cause an "undue financial burden" on the state and would be a "constrictive and invasive burden" on the applicants to have to schedule the time to learn how to properly use a hand gun. Huh??? A one week waiting period for purchase? No problem. A background check? No problem. Four hours to learn how to not shoot yourself or your kids? Now THAT'S a serious violation of your god given right to be stupid!!! And of course, the local police are dumbfounded at the recent increase of arrests of suspicious individuals in and around the county courthouse. Who, BTW, are all packing heat. DUH!!! Hell, I'm gonna start packing heat myself. And using it too. I've got the perfucked alibi now. I didn't know it was loaded. This thing has a safety??? I didn't know that it was a gun. Don't ask me, I couldn't see it either. Ah, yes, four hours very well saved...
As an aside to the above mess, we have the newly elected governor from hell. He's a bigger ass wipe than Charmin. He's fucked up every thing he can get his hands on since the day he took office and has driven the citizens of 'sconsin to protest in numbers not seen since the heady days of the late 1960's. He's so bad that even the Republicans who put him in office hate him. Of course, he's in the process of being recalled. His latest "cost saving" maneuver has been to remove all of the metal detectors and security at the entrances to the Capital building. Which is where he works. Hmmm... Please refer to the previous paragraph...
Necrophilia. Yes, I know, I hate to keep harping on this one but it just sort of riles me a bit. It's not against the law in 'sconsin. Yep, you heard me right. Humping a has-been is perfectly legal here. Just as long as you can manage to figure out how to jump through all of the states legal caveats that is. Want to date a corpse? No problem. Want to become engaged to a corpse? No problem. Want to marry a corpse? Again, no problem, just as long as the two of you are of the opposite sex. (More on that little catch-22 later.) Want to possess a corpse? That's a no-no. Want to dig one up? That's another no-no. Want to "defile, defame or degrade a corpse? (Yes, they actually do word it like that!!!) MAJOR no-no!!! Now, correct me if I'm wrong but to be defiled or defamed don't you have to have something to lose to begin with? You're a corpse. You're dead. Psychologically, isn't your bank account already empty??? And as far as degrading goes, don't corpses already sort of do that one on their own without the need for any outside help??? This is the most convoluted set of laws and non-laws I have ever seen. It's like a hiring a security force of eight year olds to guard the Hershey's factory!!! Here's your badges, boys, just make sure you don't touch anything...
Marriage. OK, personally I don't believe in it. Straight or gay. Legal marriage only leads to legal divorce. Trust me, the last thing we really need to see is a couple of pissed off, lawyered up queens on opposite sides of the net going after each others Cuisinart in court. In a valiant attempt to make sure that us gay folks don't try to muscle in on the straights side of the pie we passed a resolution that legally defines marriage as a civil or religious based, performed and recognized contract of union between one man and one woman. In their minds this does not discriminate against gays it merely takes us out of the running. Marriage is not a "right", it's just a "service" that we don't biologically qualify for. Disregard the fact that sexual orientation is one of the many things that cannot be used for the purpose of discrimination or the denial or rights and freedoms under our state constitution. At any rate, Sea Squirt and I granted and guaranteed each other all of the rights and protections of marriage that we needed just by sitting down with a lawyer for an hour and half and filing some legal paperwork for things like powers of attorney, executorships, inheritance, etc. Bases covered. And it still protects my right to toss his ass out onto the street if he doesn't stop leaving those damned used teabags on the counter without the need to hire a lawyer and start claiming dumb ass shit like alienation of affection, he's a whore or that I have just decided that I want someone who is taller.
In 'sconsin we actually have a law that says individuals are not legally required to carry car insurance. Odd, I know. It is followed by a law that says if an individual is involved in a accident, no matter how minor, and does not have insurance that the state has the right to fuck with you for the rest of your life, literally. Why? Because you are an ignorant shit head that was stupid enough to take the first law seriously. This is very akin to the conundrum that a hungry fish must face as it stares at the worm. Yes, that worm looks damned good but is it good enough to make you want to spend the last few hours of your life in a cooler with the Old Milwaukee???
Why am I required to show any law enforcement officer that asks for it, for any reason, a valid photo ID but the concept of having to show a valid photo ID at a polling place is considered, by our state legislature, to be some sort of attempted communist take over?
Why does the city council think raising the small business license fees of family owned resale shops from $66 a year to over $500 is the perfect way to keep crackheads from stealing stuff to pawn?
I swear, I'm gonna run for public office. I think my campaign slogan will be "C'mon, How Much Worse Could I Fuck Things Up?"
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