You know what I like about France? It ain't FaceBook!!! And for those of you out there that know me and my "affection" for France that statement should speak volumes. When did this unholy, wretched aberration take over the hearts, minds and souls of most of my friends? And most of the known world as well?
I don't get emails anymore. You know why? Because you posted it on FaceBook. I don't get phone calls anymore. You know why? You're too busy posting crap on FaceBook. Crazy shit, like you're doing the laundry. Or having a bad hair day. Or having a pickle. Or mowing the lawn. I'm curious... just how the bloody hell do you manage to mow the lawn AND put something on FaceBook, for christ's sake??? Do you realize that you're driving and texting at the same time when you do that??? Watch out, you may be about to shred the neighbors cock-a-poo...
Way back in the Dark Ages (the 1960's) we had an earlier version of FaceBook. It was called a party-line. And we had the civility to hang the phone up because we didn't want to listen to you talk about all of the dandelions in your front yard. Or that you were ironing your hair. Or how good that freaking pickle was!!! Back then we called it eave's dropping. NOT "social networking"!!! To be social don't you really have to be face to face??? Or at least in the same room??? A REAL room, with walls, not one of those virtual "room" things.
Hell, I got fed up with instant messaging about a nano-second after I got my first computer. What a complete annoyance. Everyone and their dead mother was sending me those damned things, including that prince from Nigeria and that hot chick that happened to see me at the bar last night. Sorry, honey, but I wasn't at a bar last night. Or at least not a bar that you would have been in. DELETE!!! And it's not just FaceBook that has me riled either. It's that Twitter thing as well. What the hell is up with that? Do not text me. Do not tweet me. Do not try my patience. I have purged every electronic device in my apartment of its ability to receive those things. Including the toaster and the battery charger!!! I have also wrapped my head in aluminum foil to stop them from getting to me over the cable box!!! Telephones are for talking on, not typing on. If you have your cell phone in your hand and want to talk to me, then hit speed dial. Do not send me a typed message. If you want to send me a typed message then use the United States Postal Service!!! They would love to have your business from what I hear.
Yes, I am old and stuck in the past. I want my cell phone to have those REALLY big number buttons on it that only old people need. With no keyboards or cameras included. Hell, I'd be ecstatic if I could find one with a rotary dial on it. And a cord!!! I'll be honest, I barely made it through the era of CD's. I just couldn't figure out how to make the needle stay on the damned thing after I put it on the turntable... Maybe this is why I use my iPod as a paper weight. Much like Julia Sugarbaker I long for the days when people actually wrote letters, on stationary, with a real pen. In their own handwriting. It was a process that involved envelopes and postage stamps as I recall. In my day you actually had to lick the stamp to make it stick to the envelope. Hell, if you do that today you get infected with something from the Third World and your freaking tongue falls off!!! Or at the very least you get pink eye...
OMG!!! I have become great-grandma Emma!!! Minus the blue hair. She had more to tint than I do now as I recall...
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