This one just riles the hell out of me. I mean, it's vinegar. VINEGAR!!! It's like one of the world's best known preservatives If you see vinegar listed as any of the first three ingredients on a bottle or can of anything that means it's good forever if you store it properly, refrigerated or not. Hell, I have a bottle of Italian dressing in my fridge that expired during the Reagan administration. I'm still using it and it hasn't killed me. So why does a bottle of pure vinegar go "bad" in less than a year???
It's like that bottled water scam. Expiration dates on bottled water pisses the shit out of me. It's water for christ's sake. There's a finite amount of it on this planet and we keep recycling it. We always have. By now I figure that at least half of the humans who have ever lived have managed to pee into my ice cube trays when I think about it. It's like saying rain has an expiration date. Or Lake Michigan. It's water!!! I just accept the fact that everytime I take a shower I'm doing it in my own waste. And yours too. ICK!!!
I once found a Twinkie under the front seat of a used car I bought when I was in college. I ate it. My ass is still here. If those things have an expiration date it has to be measured in some sort of atomic half life scale. Like strontium 90...
Then there's that "germ" thing. Apparently we are surrounded by them. They're everywhere from what I hear. Especially in our bathrooms. Then why is it that I could not pay my last two dogs enough to stop drinking out of my toilet? And the only side effects they suffered was to get fatter??? My last dog was such a slave to that blue water that he almost drowned himself one day to get at it. He'd even learned how to get the seat and the lid open to do it too. And this was a dog that only had six inch legs!!! I found him, head completely submerged, back legs totally off the ground like a teeter-totter and still drinking!!! I'd have slapped the ears off of him were it not for the fact that it had the added benefit of making his breath ocean-y fresh for a couple of hours.
Don't even get me started on salt content. I love salt. No, really, I LOVE salt. I figure the more the merrier. Hell, look what it did for the Pharaoh's. Put a dead Pharaoh under a couple of hundred pounds of table salt, close the door for few months, wrap him in a sheet and 5,000 years later we can still look at him in a museum. That, my friends, is testimony to the power of salt!!! I put salt on everything. Watermelon, oranges, apples and even on chocolate ice cream. Yeah, I'm kind of hard core... My other half is on a "sodium free diet". What the bloody hell is up with that shit? How can you possibly be on dietary restrictions like that? It's unfathomable to me. Really. But I figure that just leaves more for me to wallow in. And lord knows, I surely do. I've been known to pull over on the side of the road and steal salt licks out of fields. Fuck the deer. I want that damned salt!!!
As for added "preservatives" I'm still open to debate. As a Baby Boomer I have been up to my eyeballs in those things since before I was born. While she was pregnant with me my mother consumed things that glowed in the dark. I'm surprised I wasn't born with two heads. Or at the very least a conjoined twin. Aspartame and BHT have always been two of my favorites. One is an outlawed artificial sweetener and the other one is supposed to keep stuff from caking. Neither of them has seemed to work. I'm no sweeter and I'm caking faster than lead based paint. Ask any one who knows me. I look like Bette Davis. After the stroke. And on a double dose of the brown acid in REALLY bad lighting. Guess what, those fuckers just don't seem to work worth a shit in my opinion. If they did I would have been free basing them for decades... And looking a hell of a lot younger and prettier than I do now.
Personally, I don't care if there's chemicals in it. I just want my freaking lettuce to be crisp!!!
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