Everybody needs a motto to live by.

And I'm not talking one of those ridiculous "God and Country" or "To thine own self be true" pieces of crap.  It's a motto, not a resolution for christ's sake.   Pick something you can actually live with that produces as little guilt and suffering  as possible.   They are just "guidelines" after all...

Two of the best one's I have ever heard come from my time in Minneapolis.  A now longtime friend introduced me to his:  "Fuck 'em, feed 'em fish!!!".   I love that!!!  It's short, it's sweet and rolls of the tongue very easily.   I have borrowed it on occasion.   The other was from a 62 year old, blue haired adjudicator with the unemployment office:  "Oh, just fuck 'em all".   I love that one too.   I just don't want to ever be put on her docket!!! 

When Sea Squirt and I first met he quickly noted that I had little to no self control.  This apparently was of concern to him for some reason.  He questioned why I had a fridge full of whole milk, butter, cheese, bacon fat and half & half.   Let alone why I bought eggs in the 18 count cartons.   I pondered for a moment and then told him that my motto was "Deny yourself nothing but moderation in all things".   Oh, just stop laughing, you bitches.!!!  He fell for it.   I think he may even still believe it some strange sort of denial way.   Go figure...

To be quite honest though, I actually do have a motto that I live by.   I stole it from Jayne Mansfield.  (OK, you just know this is gonna be good...).   As a child, OK, as a young gay child, I was fascinated by her.   She was larger than life in my eyes and as we all know, larger than life is always just the right size.  A couple of years after her death in 1967 I read a book about her life and it had some of the most marvelous quotes from her I have ever read.   Lord, she had a wit.   The quote that I found the most amazing was "If you're going to do something wrong, do it BIG, the punishment is the same either way".   OMG, that is bloody fucking brilliant!!!   It changed my life on the spot and I took it as my own.   This gave me the perfect excuse that I had been searching desperately for.   And as you all know, I don't do anything small.   It just wouldn't seem right.  After all, if it was good enough for Jayne Mansfield then it's good enough for me too!!!   Hey, Sea Squirt, mix me up another pitcher of margaritas and bring them to me in the shower, would you???