OK, I admit this, I like her. She's stunningly beautiful and like me, a commoner. Yes, a commoner. Can you believe that for the first time since 1660, (yes I said 1660!!!), an heir to the throne of England is going to actually marry a commoner. Oh well, as Patsy Stone was known to say, every 4th or 5th generation they have to shag a commoner just to maintain bone structure. My god, how true that is... That family has less genes than a yard sale on a Tuesday.
I can't imagine why she wants to marry into that nest of inbreds. Let alone want to have Camilla, the Duchess of Cornhole as her mother-in-law and Elizabeth II as her great-mother-in-law. My god, how well hung is William that this makes sense to her??? Has she never read about an underpass in Paris??? Or a totally drunken driver??? RUN!!!
OK, she represents a gene pool they haven't had the chance to pollute yet so maybe the kids will have some semblance of cheek bones and teeth that don't look like Mr. Ed. But girl, you are marrying into an incestuous snake pit of of an enormity that cannot be described. Please tell me you have an iron clad prenup that gets you half of the goodies in the Tower of London, a time-share at Windsor Castle for the rest of your life and at least five minutes of uninterrupted time to just bitch slap the wrinkles off of Camilla. And the right to burn all of those bloody freaking ugly hats!!!
Yeah, what is up with those hats??? They're ugly fuckers. I don't know a single drag queen that would wear one of those things face down in a coffin. How many little hat fairies does the House of Windsor have enslaved in the bowels of Buckingham Palace making those things??? It must be an armada of them because you never see the same hat twice. They must own controlling stock in Hobby Lobby!!! Just how many birds have the Windsor's slaughtered for all of that horrid head gear???
Kate, you're 29, drop-dead gorgeous, with great legs and a nice rack. And you enjoy showing all of that stuff off. You go, girl!!! But just remember, as you walk up the aisle, the Queen will be sending MI5 into your apartment to seize your entire wardrobe and burn it. Yeah, no more exposed knees or cleavage. You will probably hear her giggle as you walk by her on your way up to the alter, thinking to herselve's, "NOT in 'Our' House you bitch!!!".
Best bet, Kate, get a hold of Sir Elton and ask for protection... And some of his hats, they were SO much better!!!
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