Oh, lord... Why does it take this long to get this crazy??
Trust me on this one, I've done some of the dumbest shit imaginable. Horrendous mistakes??? Yeah, my name is all over that one!!! And I embrace every single one of them. With a smile on my face. Uh, hmmm, I actually am that stupid. But without those "mistakes" I would not be the person I am today. I just can't figure out why I'm not on Death Row right now...
I am not just a danger to myself (yes, it's true). I am a danger to anything within 35 miles in every direction. Maybe more... Can you say improbable and grotesque mischief??? From my experience, unlike Las Vegas, what happens below the equator or the other side of the International Dateline does not necessarily always stay there. That probably means no more vacations...
Let's talk about my wrap sheet for a bit. It started when I was 16. Something about trying to incite a riot. Trust me, my parents were NOT pleased. Little did they know that I had stolen a couple of cars prior to that just to go on joy rides. Sorry mom, but yeah, I was the one who trashed your 1968 Imperial. OK, my bad... That was a trait that would follow me into college. OK, in my mind I did not STEAL cars as much as I just BORROWED them. Heh, heh, heh... There's a couple of drug busts. A DUI. Or two... I have been blind drunk on the docks of Sydney, Australia at 2 AM. In the arms of a long shore man. I have been a dumpster-diver in Hong Kong in the middle of the night. Oh, hell, I've had a camel spit on me. I once unknowingly drove the getaway car after a gas station hold up. What can I say, I just can't make this shit up. And of course, the car was packed full of "illegal smiles.". Again, a smile on my face... Yes, I am a train wreck. But at least I am a happy one. I am the little engine that could. And did... Repeatedly...
I have pee'd in the Indian Ocean. I have walked on the Great Wall of China. Hell, I've actually tap danced
on that bitch. Yet, you people still give me your children. What are you thinking??? Holy shit, I've dealt enough grass to buy Miami!!! What in the name of chocolate makes me look safe??? I wouldn't give me a centavos worth of nickles and yet you still give me your children. WTF???
I have been self medicating since I was 12. I started with my parents medicine cabinet. Oh my, really good stuff in there. Mom was into barbiturates and dad was into stimulants. I was in heaven. I was my own personal Judy Garland. By the age of fourteen I had discovered the "streets". It was 1967. Oh, yeah, I was having me some fun. It was all legal back then. Well, except for the pot. Which apparently is a "gate-way" drug. I can't imagine how. Notice the smile on my face... Heh, heh, heh...
Yeah, I've done me some stuff. Holy shit, have I done me some stuff....
I am now cascading like a crashing airliner at SFO into 60. Oh, my...
Yet, there is a song in my heart, a lilt in my step and a tap dance move or two not yet witnessed. Trust me on this one, I WILL NOT go silently into that great dark night. Hell, have any of you ever heard me do ANYTHING silently??? Yeah, too late to start now...
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