An Illegal Smile.

Ah yes, an illegal smile.  I remember those.  Hell, I still occasionally have one.  They're fun.  Hot dog bun.  My sister's a nun.

For those of you who haven't caught on yet you're either WAY too young or you were SO not someone I would have hung out with in college.  I kind of remember college.  Not really.  I had an illegal smile going on for over 4 years.  I think I have a degree.  Maybe.  Who knows...  Lord, that was a fun four years.  Or five.  Or six.  I can't remember...  Hot dog bun...

In my youth I think I spent more on rolling papers than I did on weed.  Yes, that's how cheap weed was back then!!!  As I recall it was $12 an OUNCE for domestic shit and $15 to $20 an ounce for the "exotic" stuff like Acapulco Gold, Panama Red and Columbian Gold that you only smoked at concerts.  But for that kind of bump in price you had better be immobile for a couple of days.  I usually was...  Yes, it was a simpler time.  And much more inexpensive.  Lord, I have smoked some righteous shit in my time!!!  I actually remember (not really) some stuff called Alaskan ThunderFuck.  Lord, that was a damned GOOD pound!!!  I think it lasted me almost a month.  I think...  Who knows...

Remember acrylic bongs?  I do.  Kind of.  Hot dog bun...  I'm sure I was there.  Maybe...   Who knows...

Anybody out there remember "Honey Slides"?   I don't so I know I must have had some.  Lots of them.  Maybe too many of them...  The recipe is available upon request.  I think.  Maybe.

Brownies???  Oh yeah.  Been there, done that.  Pancakes and waffles were good too.  You would be amazed at what I can do with cookies!!!  Fuck the Australians, I do peanut butter proud!!!  If you had given me a canister of oatmeal and a pound of raisins I could make you hear colors in about 45 minutes!!!  30 minutes if I had the good stuff.

I've actually managed to attain an illegal smile on MULTIPLE airplanes, AmTrak, the London Underground, a cruise ship, several taxis (both foreign and domestic), the sewers of Paris, the catacombs of Rome, the Great Wall of China, on the back of a camel in Egypt, WAY too many canals in Amsterdam, a bordello in Berlin (don't even ask!!!),  the Kentucky Derby, the Indy 500, while straddling  several international borders and a couple of times in ladies restrooms.  NOW I know what you carry around in those damned purses!!!  My most memorable experience?  In the balcony of the Sydney Opera House.  Gorgeous building and some REALLY good "product".  Nice concert too...  I think.

At my age I have learned how to turn a palette of things into "utensils" shall we say.  BIC pens, pop cans, aluminum foil, paper towel rolls, toilet paper rolls, salt shakers...  Hell, once I turned a Trabant  into a bong.  Which totally pleased the 8 people in the trunk I was smuggling to freedom.  Lord, I got stories!!!

Don't even ask me about the 30,000 pounds of smashed bananas!!!  It involved a semi-truck, a swimming pool, a blind intersection, Bianca Jagger, a formally two-story house and a couple of drunken Italians.  Somethings are just better kept private...