OMG, what a cluster fuck!!! People tell me that I grilled out a time or two. I don't recall doing that. People tell me all of the food was good. I don't remember that either. People tell me that the weather was shitty most of the weekend. Really? I don't remember that. People tell me that I attended two different parties on opposite sides of town. And that I made it home under my own power. Don't ever tell someone my age that sort of thing!!! Y'know why? It scares us completely out of our orthopedic jock straps!!! And yes, there is such a thing as an orthopedic jock strap. I should know, I have ones in all of the appropriate rainbow hued colors. Y'know why? For more than four and a half decades I have pretty much treated that part of my body as a amusement park ride and it's starting to show some wear and tear. The paint is pealing, the upholstery is shredded, the safety latch doesn't lock anymore and if I leave it out in the sun for too long it starts to smell funny. Kind of like a mix of cotton candy, corn dogs, puke and Jo-Jo the Monkey Boy. Who, as I recall, used to be able to fling poo with amazing accuracy. Why people actually paid fifty-cents to go into that tent still puzzles me... Hell, my nether regions are as out of warranty as a '59 Edsel and a little "lift and separate" never hurt anyone!!! We apparently attended a cook out with our downstairs neighbors last night. Again, nary a memory. I woke up this morning and the last thing I could recall was LAST Thursday!!! Then I saw myself in the mirror. OMG!!! I have several large bruises, a sunburn and some lacerations under my right arm that have a striking resemblance to something I would have suffered had I been in an altercation with a large jungle cat of some sort. Again, not a clue. I guess I still know how to have a good time...
Our downstairs neighbor returned my baked bean pot this afternoon and told me that they were the best she has ever had. I made baked beans??? I don't remember that. Hell, I don't even remember being at that party!!! Let alone eating. Or being able to make it up the stairs to our apartment. Sea Squirt has filled me in on a few key details and all is becoming somewhat "clearer". Last night it seems that I was quite enamored with the Jello-shots. VERY enamored it would seem. What can I say, they are a gelatinous concoction that helps me hang on. What was not apparent to me last night was that the aforementioned treats had been made with EverClear!!! Sea Squirt says I was feeling no pain, which could easily explain the injuries I discovered this morning. Who the bloody fuck makes Jello-shots with EverClear??? Let alone lets someone older than his mother knock back an ice cube tray full of them??? What the bloody hell do I look like, your prom date??? Trust me, you don't have to get me liquored up to make me easy!!! I'm perfectly happy to do that stone cold sober!!!
Oh god, I'm on YouTube right now, I just know it...
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