There's a song out there called "I Hope You Dance". It came out a couple of years ago and it totally blew me away when I first heard it. It's one of those almost sappy country western things about being drop kicked, shut out, beat up and totally thrown to the floor. And then picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, spitting the dirt and grass out of your mouth and going on. To me though, it meant a lot more. It was about learning to do all of those things before you got your teeth knocked out, t-boned and thrown out of the window. The song has wonderful lines like "Whenever one door closes, I hope one door opens", "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean" and "When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance." That last line struck a particular chord in me.
My life sucks. Your life sucks. Life just sucks in general. But as much as I have been tempted, I have never given up on it. Even when it sucked so motherfucking bad I ended up putting my fists through walls and cursing a god I don't even believe in. Through all of the shit, the emotional toxic waste, the assholes, the psychic vampires and all of the crap I can't even begin to comprehend I still somehow managed to never quite give up. I count myself incredibly lucky. Or, at the very least, properly medicated for the task.
I have been blessed with a universe of loonies in my life. Some sane, some not so sane. But all of them were welcomed with open arms. I have been to more funerals than I care to recount. Some were old, some were way too young. Some by chance, some by choice. Either way it was a funeral and they all sucked ass. I have had humor, love, craziness and laughter breeze into my life with no warning and be taken away so quickly that it took my breath away. I have thrown shovels full of dirt, flowers and coins into so many holes in the ground I could scream. And I have. Too many times.
Yet, I have found myself in the middle of the night, holding new borns in my hand, no bigger than baked potatoes, with tears in my eyes. And happy as hell to see a new life come into the world. To be their babysitter of choice and to hear them call me Auntie Donn has made my heart swell much more than the Grinch could ever hope to achieve. Watching Sponge Bob videos, reading bed time stories, playing with crayons and coloring books and tucking them into bed is my equivalent of a Nobel Prize. Let's not talk about that diaper changing thing....
Through all of this I have cursed, fought and broken things. I have lost things, people, friends and some of my sanity. But I have never lost that spark. That spark that makes me feel alive. That spark that makes me human. That precious spark that keeps me wanting to keep breathing and waking up in the morning. I will keep dancing until the cows come home, until the ship breaks in half and goes to the bottom and at least until they announce last call. How about you??? Care to join me? Naked? In a busy intersection? At rush hour? C'mon, LET"S GO DANCE LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING!!!
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