Oh, just calm down, this is a rant about pop up windows. I hate those damned things!!! I have this really old lap top computer, about 9 years old in fact. It's coal fired. I need to stoke it up about an hour before I want to use it. It officially became completely unupgradable about 5 years ago so it's totally out of touch with reality. If I make a mistake while typing I actually have to correct it with White-Out. Total pain in the ass.
OK, back to vaginal dryness...
Every time I go online I have to wait for about 2 minutes to do anything. Why? Because there is either an ad, a pop up window or some insanely high def graphic that takes forever to load. And try as I may to hit the stop button with my curser it just doesn't work. Come hell or high water that son of a bitch is gonna keep loading. And it's always something about vaginal dryness. WTF??? I don't even have a vaginal. And even if I did, if it were dry I'd just hose it down or soak it in the sink over night. In some Woolite. So it was not only moist but silky soft and clean too. With no static cling. Hell, it would be 57 and a half years old. Of course it would be dry!!! I'm not even sure that vaginals produce static cling but I'm pretty sure Woolite would take care of that... Hmmm... If you rubbed a vaginal on your head could you stick it to a wall like a balloon??? Would it only work with a moist one??? OK, I know, TMI...
What the hell is up with all of the ads on the internet??? When did it become nothing more than a giant billboard??? Of shit that I don't give a rats ass about??? Especially that one for cough syrup with glops of snot doing the samba at the "Cough-a-Cabana"!!! Who the fuck got paid millions for that one??? It totally surpasses John Waters on the brown acid...
I don't want this crap!!! If I'm going online I'm only doing it for one reason. I'm searching for porn. Man porn to be exact. And maybe to delete my spam. Which by the way I have tons of. Could have something to do with my porn searches... Who knows... Computers are marvelous creatures and as old as mine is it still has more memory than I do. You would think that after all these years of me Googling things like daddy, man cock, biker dick and hairy fishnuts (OK, I misspelled Hare Krishna that ONE time) that it would figure out that that I don't care about vaginals. But no, it still thinks I have one. And that it is dry!!! VERY dry. And cracking. Like chapped lips in January. Who the bloody fuck brings out their vaginal in the middle of winter??? In public, no less??? What if I gave it a dryer sheet or two. Or three??? How about some Extra Virgin Olive Oil??? Or sprayed it down with PAM??? Or an hour or two at a spa to refresh its self??? Give it some time plump up, as it were...
Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against vaginals. I've known lots of them in my 57 and a half years. Hell, I lost my virginity to a vaginal. I was 17, in the back seat of a 1965 Ford Galaxie 500 at a drive-in theatre in 1971. Oh, yeah, that was a memorable 67 seconds. Strangely, today, I actually own that car. I can't sit in the back seat without giggling and getting slightly nauseous. When I found that car in a storage locker after my grandpa died I damned near shit. I guess everything does indeed come full circle... To this day, some of my best friends have vaginals and I'm proud of that. I'm an equal opportunity friend. But apparently I'm the only one that has a supposed dry vaginal from most of our conversations. WTF is up with that??? And why am I being singled out by the Internet??? Where are the ads for things like "Peter Polish", "Dick Slicker", and "Wanger Wax"??? This is just so unfair...
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