Well, I guess it had to happen sooner or later but damn, I'm gonna miss that cantankerous old broad. And I say that with all of the love in my heart. I've been fascinated by her since I was old enough to flush the toilet.
She had it all. Talent, beauty, glamor, scandal (OK, scandals, she was good at them) the temperament of a bull elephant, more diamonds than South Africa, enough ex-husbands to fill a bus and at one point more chins than a Chinese phone book. Oh yeah, and more last names than you could shake a stick at. Can you imagine being Elizabeth Taylor-Hilton-Wilding-Todd-Fisher-Burton-Burton-Warner-Fortensky??? How the hell did that all fit on her drivers license??? And let's not forget those eyes!!! They were not only beautiful but she was known to be able to kill with them as well when the mood struck her. She was truly my kind of woman.
I am madly in love with every movie she ever did. Even the truly bad ones like "Cleopatra" and "The Taming Of The Shrew". Wow, those two were so deliciously awful only a gay man could appreciate them. But she made some truly amazing gems as well, like "A Place In The Sun", "Elephant Walk", "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof", "Butterfield 8" and my all time favorite, "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?". That is the most frighteningly visceral film I have ever had the pleasure to see. Repeatedly, I might add. What she did as Martha is genuinely the stuff of nightmares. I've stolen more one liners out of the film than I can count.
She was a fag-hag right out of the gate and I love her for that. You needed some serious stones to pull that off back in the 1950's and she did it with amazing panache. In the 1980's she jumped into the forefront of the AIDS epidemic becoming the first president of AMFAR and systematically selling off her jewels to help the fund the organization. Even the 68 carat one that was named after her. You just gotta admire that!!!
Starting in the 1980's she put her name and image behind what would become two of the most successfully selling perfumes in history. And donated all of her proceeds to charities. She funded food pantries, homeless shelters, battered women shelters, clinics and even built a hospital in Africa.
She also had a mean right hook and apparently could throw objects with deadly accuracy. Just ask the couple who bought her house in Puerto Vallarta. When she sold it she didn't take a single item out of it and when they inventoried the place they quickly discovered that there wasn't a complete set of plates, glasses, service ware or cook ware in the place. Lord, there must have been some hellacious arguments in that house when she and Richard were there. I just have to giggle when I picture her standing on the Pink Bridge in the middle of the night, drunk on her ass and throwing shit down into the street at him in a rage that only she could pull off. Duck and cover!!!
I swear she only stopped getting married because she was about to run out of fingers to count them on!!! Let's do a recap of them:
1. An heir to one of the richest families in America.
2. One of England's most celebrated dramatic actors.
3. One of the world's greatest showmen and promoters.
4. The most famous popular singer of the day.
5 & 6. One of England's most celebrated Shakespearian actors.
7. Governor of Virginia and later U.S. Senator.
8. An unemployed plumber that she shared garbage detail with in rehab.
Girlfriend, that is some SERIOUS downsizing!!! When they married
she was 59 and he was 39. Can you say "Cougar-Town"???
In 1999 she was awarded the honor of Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire by Queen Elizabeth II. Apparently her Majesty has NEVER read a tabloid in her life. Yes, she actually was Dame Elizabeth. From dame to Dame. You have to admire what having dual citizenship can get you...
To you, Dame Elizabeth, a heartfelt and slightly teary final goodbye. I will miss you. But in my DVD collection you will always remain smoking hot and full of piss and vinegar. As it should be.
Adios, dear lady. Gone but definitely NOT to be forgotten...
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