July 27th.

Lord, I love this day.  It's one of my favorite Mexican holidays.  The Day of The Clowns.  Yes indeed, the Day of The Clowns.  Every year thousands of Mexican clowns converge at the Cathedral of Guadalupe in Mexico City for  their annual official blessing.  Now that is a church service you just GOTTA love!!!  Imagine a cathedral full of polka dots, weird hair, suspenders, seltzer bottles, big foam noses, really small cars and midgets dressed up as baby pigs.  I am SO there!!!

As you all know, I am a clown down to my marrow.  I could have actually been one.  Officially.  Refer to an earlier post.  But then my mother intervened.  Life is so unfair...

To this day I still have several clown wigs that I am known to wear to Madison street festivals on a regular basis.  How can I not?  This is Madison, after all.  And no one really notices anyway.  Again,  Madison...  It really is just 72 square miles surronded my reality.

Coulrophopia.  Ah, yes, the term that describes the condition of an unnatural fear of clowns.  How the bloody fuck can you be afraid of clowns???  They're clowns!!!  NOT nuns!!!  But yet I still know a few individuals who suffer from this condition.  Psychologically I prey on them like flies are attracted to something dead on the side of the road.  I will not name any names but you all know who you are.  I happily relate stories of "Zu-Zu" the vampire clown, "Choppy" the cannibal  clown and   "RUN!!!"  the REALLY creepy clown.  What can I say, when I see a bulls eye on anyones forehead I just have to go for it.  I love watching people wet themselves in public.  "Zu-Zu", "Choppy" and "RUN!!!" have all been incorporated into bedtime stories for my faux niece.   We giggle and then we swap boogers.  Why those two gave me their only child to babysit is unimaginable  to me.  Yet, I am the little ones baby sitter of choice.  Go figure...  Apparently it takes a village full of clowns to raise a child in the style that I see befitting of humanity.

Bottom line:  duck and cover, find the access code to the bunker and grab lots of bottled water.  The clowns are at the gates!!!  WE WANT SELTZER!!  WE WANT SELTZER!!!  WE WANT SELTZER!!!