I Have Become A Danger To Myself...

...and an annoyance to others.  I am proud of this honor.  It has taken me 58 years, 2 hours and 43 minutes to achieve this status.  What can I say, noble battles are never won easily...  And I have waged this one uphill in both directions.  In the snow!!!  In July.

I should have known better but I made a batch of sangria for breakfast this morning.  It's now gone.  And I'm sloshed.  Big time.  How I can still manage to type is beyond me.

I grilled out tonight.  I set my shirt on fire.   HOMO HANDS DANCE!!!  I scared the shit out of the neighbors for a short while.  Thank god they like me.  Or at least put up with me.  I can't understand why.  But at least they hosed me down.  And then went back inside just shaking their heads in dismay.  Locking me out in the process.  Probably to their benefit when I think about it...

I am the birthday boy from hell.  I am loud, clumsy and in your face.  A train wreck, if you will.  Even when it is not my birthday.  I am my own personal Amy Winehouse, who, BTW, was found dead today in London.  Thank god, because I was really getting tired of that bitch and her antics stealing all of my thunder...

I should never be allowed to be left alone without a straight jacket or a kennel.  And I should never be let loose in public without someone nearby with a dart gun at the ready.  Last night was a perfect example.  Too much fun, what can I say???