Why Is It ALWAYS Jesus???

OK.  I have just about had it!!!   Same shit, different month and southern state...

Whether it be a waffle, a toasted cheese sandwich, mold on a wall or a pets urine stain on the carpet.  It's always an image of the face of Jesus.   Apparently he is everywhere but highly underground and refusing to show up in person.  Please tell me the TSA and Homeland Security has him in the data base and has no fly listed him.   He's beginning to sound like a terrorist that wants to set his tighty-whities on fire.

The latest two lunacies with this phenomenon  involve kudzu vines taking over a power pole that apparently look like the crucifixion and a WalMart receipt.  Of course, this little toothless southern town is refusing to let the state touch it.  Ahh, yes, you just can't Round-Up Jesus.  It's kudzu vine, you idiots.  It's an incredibly invasive species that is strangling everything south of the Mason-Dixon Line to death.   Torch it!!!  Then there is the WalMart receipt.  Why in the name of god would Jesus show his face on something as unholy as a WalMart receipt???   Think about it...  Is WalMart secretly luring us into its own Church of Latter Day WalMarters???  Personally, I would not put it past them...

How crazy are you people???  You don't know what Jesus looked like.  None of us do!!!  I have seen images of the receipt from WalMart.  Guess what???  It looks like the death photos of Che Guevara!!!  NOT Jesus!!!
Since you loons have no idea of the concept of evolution, free thinking or reality because you refuse to let that be taught in your schools, let me give you an update on a few things...

1.  Jesus was NOT a Christian!!!  He was and probably still is a Jew.  So was his mother.   End of discussion.  You are worshiping a Jew.  Why are you in Church???  You should be in Temple!!!  Put the baby back ribs down.  NOW!!!

2.  Get the hell over this stain, burn mark and mold thing.  It is NOT Jesus.  It is a stain, a burn mark or mold!!!  It is NOT Jesus.  Trust me.  How inbred are you people???  Put the snakes down and get a freaking life!!!

3.  The only "religious" thing I can imagine on a WalMart  receipt is Cthulu.  That's about all WalMart deserves in my opinion.  Again, trust me on this one.  They are hell with a smiley face.

4.  I cannot wait until I get my "face".  Duck and cover you hillbillies.  I will call up Channel 3 News and demand to speak to Mark Kaen.  Personally.  LOOK AT THIS!!!  My pancake has the image of Hitler on it.  Or Stalin.  Or John Wayne Gacey.  Or Pol Pot.  How about Rasputin???   Or perhaps Batista.  Maybe Baby Doc.  George W???  That Palin "woman"???   ANYONE but Jesus!!!  I plan to go viral with this.  Yes, I will even agree to an interview with FOX news.  And you all know how genetically abhorrent  that would be with me.   But I just want to strike back.  Jews can be like that...

Why is it when you have less teeth in your mouth than you do ears or cinder blocks under the  useless cars in your front yard that Jesus suddenly "picks" you???  Up here in the North a loon is a bird, a waterfowl to be exact.   Pretty, but completely noisy.  We love them.  Down your way, a loon is apparently blessed and a prophet of some sort.  With a receipt.  Or a waffle.  Or a sandwich.  Or some mold in the basement.  I so like our loons better.  They at least have the courtesy to migrate thousands of miles away for half of the year and get the bloody hell out of my face.   You do not.  If I duct taped you all to some of our loons would all just go somewhere else???  Forever???  How about Tierra del Fuego???  Mars???  Anywhere but here!!!  Please, share the wealth and pester anyone else but me!!!

Jesus was tortured and nailed to a cross and left to die.  Why the bloody hell would he ring the door bell on your house trailer???  Hasn't he been hurt enough???  He had more nails in him than you have teeth!!!  Or brain cells.  And why the fuck would he be shopping at WalMart???   Have any of you ever stopped to consider that all of these "sightings" might very well just be Satan fucking with your head???

Please, I make you people look sober, somber and sane.  That should tell you something right there!!!  Leave the poor dude alone and get the hell out of his face!!!   Wherever you think you see it...