There's no happy medium on this one. You either love it or you wouldn't even consider feeding it to a starving dog. OK, I admit, it's a bit hinky when you think about it but then so is most of the other food that we eat. Think hot dogs, bologna (and can anyone give me a reasonable explanation why we pronounce it "ba-low-nee"?) and liverwurst. All of which are American culinary icons. Say Spam and most peoples' faces turn inside-out. Say you like Spam and you'll likely be reduced to a public stoning. And most of the folks casting the first stones will happily wake up in morning and pull their overweight asses up to the table for a platter of eggs, bacon and a big glass of milk... What the fuck??? Yeah, think about what those three things are for a second... Uh-huh... A chickens reproductive cells that they shoot out of their ass, the underside of a pigs belly that has spent most of it's life covered in mud and shit and an incredibly fatty liquid that comes out of a cows tits. OK, "teats". Whatever! If you'll eat that shit at 7:00 AM then you have no right whatsoever to turn your refined nose up at something as simple as "recycled" meat.
Yes, the thought of eating something that is clearly labeled with the first ingredient as being "mechanically separated pork" is a bit frightening. I can only imagine that what the machines are given to separate is so totally gross that human hands and psyches just refuse to do it. Or they just can't pay someone enough money to take that exit. I understand completely. Yet, I still eat the stuff with abandon. I grill it, I fry it, I bake it into stuff. Hell, I've even eaten it cold out of the can. FYI, I don't recommend that one. That gelatinous goo that Spam is packed in IS a bit overpowering. I think that may just be a marketing ploy for the homeless... Although it might come in handy if you've managed to overdose your mouth on way too many chili peppers and are out of milk or butter to cut the burn. Been there, done that... Or for sinners trying to grease their way past the Pearly Gates.
I used to live in Minnesota, the "Birthplace of Spam". And yes, they are proud of it. I have been to the factory where they make Spam. It's truly frightening. It's like a theme park of heart attacks. It has a museum. Which I think is sort of odd because Spam really doesn't have an expiration date so how could any of it be "old"? And it has a gift shop, of course you know I went nuts in that place. I bought the Spam Cookbook. That thing would put Paula Dean to shame!!! The weirdness on those pages is completly mind-boggling. Beer battered, deep fried Spam with a creme of mushroom soup consumme??? In a fondue??? Just how cold, dark and snowy is Minnesota??? Oh hell, they eat lutefisk. Enough said...
Then, there is an alternative. Treet. I think of it as Spam Lite. Or perhaps Spam-esque is a better term. It's cheaper, a lot more salty and has "chicken" in the mix. Also mechanically separated. What the bloody hell is going on in THAT factory??? Again, I am ALL over that one too. How can you not be??? "Recycled" meat and enough salt to start your own ocean!!! I know it is nothing but feathers, beaks, bones and the occasional foot but by god, this stuff just floats my boat. In my world, Spam is for company and Treet is for me. Eating it off my chest. Naked and in the dark. While I watch porn. OK, let's not take that exit...
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