WTBF??? OK, as you have probably figured out by now I live in one of the strangest cities on the face of our blue marble. Yes, Madison is a bit odd. ROTFLMAO!!!! Trust me, it's a lot stranger here than you can possibly imagine. We're the state capitol. We're home to the University of Wisconsin. That alone should explain a lot of things. We have that hardy, pioneer spirit that for some reason compels us to saw a hole in the ice on one of our many lakes in the middle of fucking winter and just hop into the water damned near buck naked. Why? I don't have an answer for that one... I'm sure it has something to do with Darwinism. You know what I mean. If you can find the hole to get out of the lake once you jump in you are one of the fittest. That means you get to breed. If you cannot find the hole after you jump in, hmmm... well, looks like your frozen dead ass is not going to continue fucking up the shallow end of the gene pool. I like that.
Anywho... An "altercation" took place in Madison last night. Oh, altercation my ass, it was a full blown bat shit crazy meltdown!!! It seems that some of our less intelligent citizens decided to shake it up a bit. Lord, I just love the lowest common denominator. Police were called to respond to a less than desirable neighborhood up on the North Side to investigate a disturbance. Disturbance??? By the time they got there this thing was out of control. It involved front lawns, parking lots, the street and a couple of trees. ??? Oh, yeah, and some weaponry. Lengths of metal pipe, pieces of gutter and downspouts, more pit bulls than you can fend off and some hair weaves. Yes, I said hair weaves. Don't ask... Only in Madison could a hair weave be considered a weapon. We're a strange crew.
This apparently took hours to get quieted down. I certainly hope that our "Crew In Blue" got some overtime for this little clusterfuck. When the majority of the combatants had been successfully rhino-darted and tazered into submission and peace had been somewhat restored the truth finally came out. Some idiot white guy decided to run out into his front yard and start accusing everyone within earshot of stealing his bus pass. Dude, you were the only white guy within a six mile radius. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING??? Oh, wait, that's right... you weren't, were you??? OK, being white is one thing. Being in your early twenties is another thing. Being stupid just sort of comes with the territory. But being all of those things on the North Side is just ridiculously insane to put into the same mixing bowl...
From all reports this idiot did not go down without a fight. But he did go down. Hard. And I am glad for that. Dude, it's a bus pass. A FUCKING bus pass!!! One: You live on the North Side. Two: You have a bus pass. Three: You are white. THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT MOTHERFUCKER!!! But, no, you decide that three strikes are not enough. You want four. And from the sounds of things they struck you a helluva lot more times than four. You deserved every one of them too. What, did you forget to pick up your frontal lobes at the dry cleaners on your way back home from working the drive up window??? How much Red Bull were you on??? Or are you just genuinely that fucking stupid??? At the very least, I hope you like International Orange jumpsuits and used flip-flops...
We are truly a strange little breed of apes here in Madison. I wouldn't give anyone in this town a centavos worth of nickles to save my life. Much as I love them, an ape will turn on you in a nano-second., tear your face off and then go feed it to a hyena.
We are, indeed, 72.5 square miles surrounded by "reality"...
But at least the lake perch is good on a Friday night.
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