NORTS!!! OH, WONDERFUL NORTS!!!

It's Memorial Day Weekend in 'sconsin and that can only mean ONE thing:  BRAT FEST!!!  Yes, Brat Fest.  But not just any old Brat Fest.  No, that would not be enough.  Madison is home to the "WORLDS LARGEST BRAT FEST"!!!  Ever!!!  BTW, for those of you off-worlders out there, it is pronounced "braht".  Sort of rhymes with "snot".  It is NOT a "brat".  As in a small child that needs to be quickly Valiumed.  It is "braht".  Trust me.  If you say it wrong up here we just go key your car out of principle.

'sconsin is home to a Holy Grail of sorts.  The "3 B's" as we like to call them.  That would be beer, brats and brandy.  But not necessarily in that order.  Such is 'sconsin...  The single most impressive thing about this state is our ability to drink ourselves into oblivion and eat ourselves into a stupor.  Simultaneously.  And more often than not at some sort of waterfront festival.  While on a green and gold collapsible chair with an array of Packer stuff hanging off of us.  Or at the very least, some sort of obligatory "Cheese Head" accessory to embarrass us even more than we are aware of.  All you need to add into the mixing bowl is a couple of unleashed dogs with a hula-hoop or two and you got a party going on in 'sconsin!!!

A brat is something akin to first communion in 'sconsin.  Only better, because you get to do it on demand.  Any time you want.  Brats.  OMg.  We boil those puppies, we broil them, we grill them, we saute them.  Hell, I've even been known to stir fry them.   Trust me, in 'sconsin about the only thing you don't do to brats is to microwave them.  That is not only a serious felony here in 'sconsin, it is against the State Constitution.  As is gay marriage, but don't get me started on that cluster f...

For a long holiday weekend 'sconsin is up to its badgers in brats.  Thousands of square miles are grilling the little naturally cased delicacy's as I type.  We here in 'sconsin are now awash in things that are longer than they are wide.  Hot, toasty things that are screaming to decorate your buns.  With a special sauce of your own concoction.  Now, doesn't that sound like a good time in the North Woods???

So, please join me as I grab my nort and raise it high.  In salute.  To  'sconsin.  Where else can you wave your sausage and ask someone to pass the sour kraut???   And as I've always said, I always seem to sleep a little better at night once I've had a bit of sausage in me...

Aah, 'tis good to be a 'sconsin boy...