AHH, TERABYTES...

Not to be confused with trailorbites, chiggerbites or moskweetoes.

As you all know by now, I am a porn whore.  I started out with glossy magazines.  Then I went to 8 mm silent loops.  I worked in a porn store when I was in college.  I was in heaven.  Then came video tape.  I loved my VCR.  It had "pause".  At one point I had 5 VCR's.  All hooked up together.  Copyright laws mean NOTHING to me!!!  I bought VHS tape by the case.  Then came DVD's.  Again, heaven.  Then I got a computer.  Need I say more?  Al Gore, I LOVE YOU!!!

I have worn computers to a frazzle with porn.  Hell, I had to put my first computer into detox.  It drank like a chimney and smoked like a fish.  When I finally got it back out of the Betty Ford Clinic I started downloading peters into it immediately.  It just giggled and rolled its eyes.  Yes, I am an enabler...

I am happily leading my new computer down a path of ruin.  It's the biggest computer I have ever porned on.
Let's just say that this bad boy has some serious ass Gigs for daddy to work with.  Keep in mind I was slogging away on an 11 year old coal fired Mac laptop until about a month ago.  This little puppy is like a HAL-9000!!!  I am taking it down some of the darkest alley's I have never been able to access until now.  I didn't know heaven had a second floor...

Well, of course, I start gobbling up memory like crazy.  JPG's.  WMV.  Quicktime.  FLV's.  AVI's.  MPG's.  My god, a plethora of initials was suddenly at my disposal.  Even better, at my demand.  Nothing makes me hotter than to hit the "save as" command key.  I have managed to bring this computer to a total grinding halt on more than one occasion.  OK, I was downloading some stuff.  OK, I was downloading about 8 porn files at once.  And sending an email.  And doing some Googling.  While I was gambling on line.  And playing with PhotoShop.  Hey, what can I say, I'm a born multi-tasker.  At any rate, I finally realize that my poor computer has so many peckers pointed at it that it just doesn't know which way to turn its head.  And yes, I can sympathize with that one.  Been there.  Done that.  Got the t-shirt.

Enter my next great technological epiphany.  The Flash Disk.  Yes, I have raved about these things before.  Get over it, it's my Blog.  Anywho, you all know that I love these things.  Well, things have changed a bit.  I have gone from a warm and loving relationship into twisted, co-dependent addiction.  I buy those things bulk now.  I've worked my way up from 16 gigs to 32 gigs.  32 gigs was the only I way I could think of putting the "edge" back on it, if you know what I mean...  What started out as a happy walk in the park has somehow degraded into a back alley lap dance with a rolled up newspaper.  Flash Disk, you are a wicked Mistress!!!

I now have an old mayonnaise jar FULL of Flash Disks sitting next to my monitor..  For easy access, don't you know.  They are numbered.  They are cataloged on a cheat sheet.  They are categorized by genre, performer or studio within the Trash Disk itself.  OMg, I have a Dewey Decimal System for my porn.  I am so freaking anal!!!  All of them are full. Totally maxed out.  Completely full of peckers.  Again, I can sympathize...

So, Sea Squirt is looking over my shoulder the other morning and sees the mayonnaise jar.  "What the hell is that?!?" he queries.  "What?", I respond, first cup of coffee still in my hand.  "Uh, those!!!", finger pointed.  "Oh, those are mine.".   Yeah, I think REAL fast on my feet at 7:15 AM.  So he picks it up and he looks at it.  I love it when he does that, but I digress...  By this time I am starting to get that "look".  I knew I was in trouble.  I exercised my only option.  I decided to lie my fucking ass off.  Yep, I put on the turn signal because I was definitely going to be taking the smoke and mirrors exit on this one.

"Umm, oh, those?  I found them."

"Oh, those are for the children."

"Those are just my research.  I'm writing a thesis.  I'm sure I told you about that.  Didn't I?  Really???"

"Those are just Gummi Bears, honey."

"Oh, I thought those were yours."

"I don't see anything."

In two words:  LEAD BALLOON.  OK, so I'm busted.  I'm over it.  But Sea Squirt did get me curious.  Just how many peckers have I got packed in that jar???   Can they still breathe???  Should I poke a couple of holes in the lid???  So, I dump them all out on the desk and grab the calculator.  Then I start plugging them all into the remote docking station and going through them.  And crunching the numbers.  OMg!!!  OMg!!!  That damned mayonnaise jar had 6 gigs shy of a quarter of a terabyte of peckers in it!!!  Holy shit!!!  That's enough peckers to reach to the moon if you put them all end to end.  I have enough peckers to do a tight-rope act to the moon with.  And they all fit in a mayonnaise jar.  On my desk.  I LOVE TECHNOLOGY!!!   Who would have ever thought that if you just made it smaller you could pack more peckers into it???  I know, it just doesn't make any sense but I'm liking it on paper.

Terabytes.  I love them.  I want a terabyte of peckers!!!  Yes, I am sitting here, rubbing the inside of my elbow and considering ramping it up a notch and going for the 64 gig ones.  Wicked, wicked Mistress!!!

Terabyte.  MAKE ME YOUR BITCH!!!