But did you listen? NO!!! And now one of your kind has paid the consequences. Yes, there is a dead straight guy in Belarus due to a savage beaver attack. ????? WTF!!!
Sorry, I had to pause there for moment. I was laughing hysterically.
Yes, a savage beaver attack. From what I have read so far I haven't quite figured out if the beaver was savage (a savage beaver???) or if just the attack was savage. At any rate. Have you heard about this yet? It's just too bizarre for me to make up even if I tried.
Some idiot in Belarus goes out fishing with friends and decides to take a picture of a beaver. OK, I'm curious, why do you straight guys like taking pictures of beavers??? And why do you go fishing with a camera??? Anywho, the beaver was apparently not cooperative. Yes, the beaver got surly. Nothing is more frightening than a surly beaver. The beaver went into fight or flight mode and laid a big old load of wup-ass on this guy. He's dead. Yes, he died of beaver poisoning. This dude just happened to fuck with the beaver that bites back. I wouldn't fight with anything that bites back. Let alone a beaver.
I have known a few beavers in my life. Some were shaved. Some were natural. Some were, well... just beavers. Yes, beavers. In my own way, I salute them because without beavers we would no longer have young and upcoming homos. And lord knows, without young and upcoming homos the world would be without window treatments. I even have a few pictures of some beavers. But I have never taken a picture of one myself. Why the hell would I do that??? So I can put it on the mantel and have friends say "Shit, that's a good picture of you and Santa and the beaver!". Oh, hell no!!! I have as much use for a beaver as a bowling ball has for nipples.
So, this idiot in Belarus get attacked by an angry beaver.
Sorry, another pause there due to laughing....
Dude, now badly did you piss off this beaver??? Why would a straight guy piss off a beaver??? I mean, think about it... At any rate, the beaver charges. And apparently damned near severed this guys leg. Yep, bit him so deep that it severed his femoral artery and this guy bled to death before his friends could even start to help him. Beavers are dangerous. Yes, they are furry. Yes, they are wet. And lord knows you straight guys love a furry wet beaver. But, I mean c'mon, stop taking pictures of the damned things!!!! Trust me, go to Google. There are more pictures of beavers on the internet that you can shake your stick at. Hell, I find them by accident. Or by pop up windows. Jesus christ, I'm gay and I'm up to my THREE tits in beavers!!!
This poor idiot was besieged by a beaver. (Sorry, I''m laughing again...) Attacked by a beaver. (Sorry, I'm still laughing...) Bitten by a beaver. Laid siege to by a beaver. (Good lord, can you imagine a beaver with a trebuchet??? What the fuck would a beaver toss over the walls???) Dude, you were taken down by a beaver. (Sorry, laughing again...) Dude, what the fuck did you do to that beaver!!!
When are you straight guys going to learn that you just don't piss a beaver off??? Beavers are mean.
They can (and will) hurt you. A beaver is NOT a pretty mistress.
Dude, you were killed by a beaver. (Sorry, still laughing...) A beaver??? Dude... (Still laughing.) You were taken down by a beaver??? A BEAVER?!? Dude, you're not just pathetic, you're a standing ovation of idiocy!!! You were mowed down by a beaver. And lord knows, you straight guys just love you some mowed beaver.
I am going to nominate you for a "Darwin Award". You deserve it. You have earned it. You were an idiot!!!
I have normally shied away from beavers. Yes, they are kind of cute. But they are beavers. I am gay. WAY gay. WAY too gay for beavers. What have you straight guys got going on with beavers??? Why do you feel the need to fill a photo album full of beavers??? My photo albums are full of pictures from Australia. Hong Kong. Korea. Mexico. Egypt. Trust me, pretty much everything but a beaver.
Beavers are dangerous. Beavers bite back. And you don't even have to bite them first. They just bite back out of instinct. Do not fuck with a beaver!!! A beaver will indeed hurt you!!!
Dude, you are dead. The beaver is still building damns. Yeah, you lose...
Yeah, I'm laughing my ass off...
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