OK, as you all know, I am a shopaholic. Put me behind a cart in a store and I go completely crack whore. Hey, what can I say, it's a calling. And I always pick up the phone...
Today was, well... something else. OK, it was like Dante's 27th gate of hell. In all honesty I did not know who to bitch slap first, the mother or her demon seed from hell. They were both monstrous in their own ways. I've never been this torn in my life.
So, I'm at the Dollar Tree (great store, I love it!!!) happily running through my shopping list when I first heard the commotion start. Yeah, that high C over middle C that only a three year old can manage to do. I swear to god, dogs for two miles in every direction were probably knocked to the ground. It was amazing. Oh, hell, it was annoying at the very least. Then it quickly got totally unacceptable. BIG TIME!!! I turned into the Health & Beauty aisle because I needed some shampoo. Big mistake on my part. I quickly found myself face to face with the Devil. And his mother. Again, I did not know who to slap first.
The "creature" could not have been more than 3 years of age. And he was off leash. His mother was in her mid 40's and up to her eyeballs in designer clothes. Yeah, at the dollar store. WTF??? The "child" was making a face not unlike a hyena about to attack and once again gifting me with that high C over middle C thing. I curdled. I panicked. I did everything in my power to just duck and cover. And then it lunged. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! This little monster went into total fucking bat-shit crazy meltdown. I damned near jumped into my cart just to protect myself. He launched himself down the aisle, arms open and knocking everything off of the shelves he could touch. On both sides. All the while, tearing stuff open and stomping on it. While screaming. Loudly. LOUDLY!!! I all too quickly found myself trapped in an aisle of collateral damage. No shit, I was up to my knees in shampoo, soap, conditioner, tooth paste, mouth wash, bath wash, cotton balls, tweezers, nail polish remover, gunk, goo, sticky stuff and an out of control proto-human like thing.. Who has now decided to take on the next aisle over. Oh, my stars... It was Housewares. There's a lot of glass in that aisle. Well, actually, there WAS a lot of glass in that aisle. That little monster went nuts. I could hear the damage he was doing as I sat in the safety of my cart as the passion fruit scented goo began to seep up over the top of the wheels. The other lone shopper in the aisle ran for her life as store employees began descending from all directions.
"Mother" (I use that term VERY loosely) seems to be totally unaffected by this display and casually calls across to the other aisle, "Timmy, use your inside voice." I damned near cold cocked her right there!!! "Timmy, use your inside voice." ??? WOMAN, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MIND??? Had I even considered something 1/100th of this at this monsters age I would have immediately been dragged out of that store and locked in the trunk of the car. For those of you my age, you know what I mean...
In less than two minutes I watched thousands of dollars worth of damage be done to a dollar store. Not an easy feat when you think about it. By a 3 year old. Who may or may not of had rabies.
"Timmy, use your inside voice."...
Again, I did not know who to bitch slap, drop kick or sucker punch first...
Luckily, I am a calm sort of person. Oh, just stop laughing, I can hear you!!!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
MY DEAR MADIBA...
In case you are not aware of that word, it's the tribal birth name of the man we now know as Mr. Nelson Mandela. He is a victim of birth, a victim of skin color, a victim of an apartheid government that put him through hell for 30 years for no damned good reason. And he is now revered as the Father of his country. He was the first truly generally elected President of a newly free South Africa. And we are now in the process of losing him to time.
He did nothing more than speak out about the inequalities that the vast majority of his fellow people were being subjected to by a the ruling class. He was tired of being treated like a 3rd class citizen. Oh, wait, that's right... he wasn't even considered to be a citizen. Yeah, not a single freaking right or privilege. Of course, he got arrested. And was given a "trial". I didn't even know kangaroos had trials. They put him in a former military prison. On an island. Within sight of his homeland. And for 30 motherfucking years they tried to break him. And the spirits of everyone like him. And they failed. He beat them. He won!!!
When that nightmare of apartheid finally collapsed he was freed. And he came back with a vengeance that just makes me salivate. The world stood up and took notice. And they applauded. Mr. President... Oh, yeah, that had to taste SO good!!!
He came out of 30 years of HELL a kind, gentle, humanitarian with a sense of humor that could melt dry ice. And a smile. Oh my stars, what a smile... And a drive to make his country better. To make his country a player on the world stage and to raise it up to where it should be..
He won the Noble Peace Prize. Ain't nothing like that to let you know that you actually have "arrived". The world embraces and respects him. Hell, how can you not??? This mans struggles make gay-bashing look like a walk in the park!!!
He is now 94, in failing health and in a hospital on life support. We are in the process of losing a treasure. Someone who had the stones to stand up and say "I don't think so!!!". Someone who stood by those convictions during a conviction of hell-and-high-water and yet still emerged victorious. With a smile on his face, his hand reached out, a lilt in his step and incredible words of wisdom and guidance. And the Presidency.
You, my dear sweet man, make me smile...
He did nothing more than speak out about the inequalities that the vast majority of his fellow people were being subjected to by a the ruling class. He was tired of being treated like a 3rd class citizen. Oh, wait, that's right... he wasn't even considered to be a citizen. Yeah, not a single freaking right or privilege. Of course, he got arrested. And was given a "trial". I didn't even know kangaroos had trials. They put him in a former military prison. On an island. Within sight of his homeland. And for 30 motherfucking years they tried to break him. And the spirits of everyone like him. And they failed. He beat them. He won!!!
When that nightmare of apartheid finally collapsed he was freed. And he came back with a vengeance that just makes me salivate. The world stood up and took notice. And they applauded. Mr. President... Oh, yeah, that had to taste SO good!!!
He came out of 30 years of HELL a kind, gentle, humanitarian with a sense of humor that could melt dry ice. And a smile. Oh my stars, what a smile... And a drive to make his country better. To make his country a player on the world stage and to raise it up to where it should be..
He won the Noble Peace Prize. Ain't nothing like that to let you know that you actually have "arrived". The world embraces and respects him. Hell, how can you not??? This mans struggles make gay-bashing look like a walk in the park!!!
He is now 94, in failing health and in a hospital on life support. We are in the process of losing a treasure. Someone who had the stones to stand up and say "I don't think so!!!". Someone who stood by those convictions during a conviction of hell-and-high-water and yet still emerged victorious. With a smile on his face, his hand reached out, a lilt in his step and incredible words of wisdom and guidance. And the Presidency.
You, my dear sweet man, make me smile...
Friday, June 21, 2013
NOTHING IS MORE FUN THAN WATCHING A CELEBRITY DO A CRASH AND BURN!!!
Let me start by stating that I never was a fan of Paula Deen in the first place. I don't have any of the kitchen products that she endorsed, I didn't buy any of her numerous cookbooks and I didn't watch her show. I think it was the whole celebrity chef thing that turned me off. I just don't see any sense in that. Although I do have to say that her recipe for beer battered deep fried macaroni and cheese rates up their with Galileo and Einstein. It's brilliant. I'm surprised I lived so long without that.
Anywho, the last 36 hours in the life of this woman have been entertaining as hell. Oh my stars, she has dug herself a hole so deep it hurts. She is a train wreck. In the middle of a forest fire. During an earthquake. In the middle of a tornado with REALLY big hail.. With the measles. And a tsunami about half a mile offshore. With a little bit of that Jim and Tammy Baker video tossed in. I just love it when the mighty take a nose dive.
OK, in case some of you out there don't know of Paula Deen (hey, I got readers in Romania. Yeah, she's famous but she ain't that damned famous.) let me fill you in in a nutshell. She's a celebrity chef with her own TV show, owns a couple of restaurants, licenses her name to a number of cooking utensils, publishes cookbooks and has lured way too many people into her nefarious web of cholesterol and grease. Hey, don't get me wrong, I love those last two things with what is left of my heart but I'm not going to join a cult because of it. Oh, yeah, and she's from the American "South".
To my one faithful reader in Romania, let me explain. The American "South" is geographical region of this country.. It has a history. A damned sad history. In 1860 those states seceded from the United States, declared their own country and we were plunged into a nightmare called The Civil War. Five years of unbelievable carnage. Over what? Slavery. Yeah, slavery. The "South" wasn't about to give it up. This country literally got torn in half. And we lost a President to an assassination. I myself am actually from the "South" originally. I was not raised there but I certainly had more family there than you shake a snake at. This country still has a great divide in it because of what happened 150 years ago. That being said, let's get back to the meltdown...
Yesterday a story hits the media about Paula Deen. A former employee of hers has brought charges that she was repeatedly subjected to racial slurs, harassment and made the butt of racially themed jokes. Guess what? The employee is African American. Yeah, you can just see where this train wreck is going, can't you??? Yep, the n-word. (As an aside to my reader in Romania, the "n-word" is not a good word here. It stands for "nigger". That's what slaves used to be called. It's dehumanizing, soul killing and degrading. It's ugly. I grew up with relatives that used that word freely. Openly. To peoples faces.) At any rate, this story mushroomed. What does Paula do? Panic. And start imploding. Publicly. Beautiful, I love it!!! Late last night she posted a teary "explanation" on her website, which was yanked off an hour later. This morning a new "apology" is up on her website. And is equally as smarmy as the first one. She is groveling at the moment. She is asking for forgiveness. She wants to learn from this. BITCH, you just admitted guilt!!! I have not seen a performance that panicked since Nixon resigned!!! And it only gets better...
An hour later, literally at the last minute, she blows off a one-on-one interview with Matt Lauer on The Today Show who was well prepared to sink his canines into her jugular vein. He was not happy and he let it be known on air. Here's the kicker... The Food Network Channel has just announced that they will not be renewing her contract with them. They have already yanked her off of their website. She has been culled from the herd. I can't wait to see what at least three store chains that I know of do with her products.
It never fails to amaze me just how deeply stupidity can actually flow. To empower yourself to judge any person by WHAT they are instead of WHO they are shows just how little grey matter you have..
Sorry, Paula, I'm not accepting the "apology". You got caught red-handed and dug your own hole...
Anywho, the last 36 hours in the life of this woman have been entertaining as hell. Oh my stars, she has dug herself a hole so deep it hurts. She is a train wreck. In the middle of a forest fire. During an earthquake. In the middle of a tornado with REALLY big hail.. With the measles. And a tsunami about half a mile offshore. With a little bit of that Jim and Tammy Baker video tossed in. I just love it when the mighty take a nose dive.
OK, in case some of you out there don't know of Paula Deen (hey, I got readers in Romania. Yeah, she's famous but she ain't that damned famous.) let me fill you in in a nutshell. She's a celebrity chef with her own TV show, owns a couple of restaurants, licenses her name to a number of cooking utensils, publishes cookbooks and has lured way too many people into her nefarious web of cholesterol and grease. Hey, don't get me wrong, I love those last two things with what is left of my heart but I'm not going to join a cult because of it. Oh, yeah, and she's from the American "South".
To my one faithful reader in Romania, let me explain. The American "South" is geographical region of this country.. It has a history. A damned sad history. In 1860 those states seceded from the United States, declared their own country and we were plunged into a nightmare called The Civil War. Five years of unbelievable carnage. Over what? Slavery. Yeah, slavery. The "South" wasn't about to give it up. This country literally got torn in half. And we lost a President to an assassination. I myself am actually from the "South" originally. I was not raised there but I certainly had more family there than you shake a snake at. This country still has a great divide in it because of what happened 150 years ago. That being said, let's get back to the meltdown...
Yesterday a story hits the media about Paula Deen. A former employee of hers has brought charges that she was repeatedly subjected to racial slurs, harassment and made the butt of racially themed jokes. Guess what? The employee is African American. Yeah, you can just see where this train wreck is going, can't you??? Yep, the n-word. (As an aside to my reader in Romania, the "n-word" is not a good word here. It stands for "nigger". That's what slaves used to be called. It's dehumanizing, soul killing and degrading. It's ugly. I grew up with relatives that used that word freely. Openly. To peoples faces.) At any rate, this story mushroomed. What does Paula do? Panic. And start imploding. Publicly. Beautiful, I love it!!! Late last night she posted a teary "explanation" on her website, which was yanked off an hour later. This morning a new "apology" is up on her website. And is equally as smarmy as the first one. She is groveling at the moment. She is asking for forgiveness. She wants to learn from this. BITCH, you just admitted guilt!!! I have not seen a performance that panicked since Nixon resigned!!! And it only gets better...
An hour later, literally at the last minute, she blows off a one-on-one interview with Matt Lauer on The Today Show who was well prepared to sink his canines into her jugular vein. He was not happy and he let it be known on air. Here's the kicker... The Food Network Channel has just announced that they will not be renewing her contract with them. They have already yanked her off of their website. She has been culled from the herd. I can't wait to see what at least three store chains that I know of do with her products.
It never fails to amaze me just how deeply stupidity can actually flow. To empower yourself to judge any person by WHAT they are instead of WHO they are shows just how little grey matter you have..
Sorry, Paula, I'm not accepting the "apology". You got caught red-handed and dug your own hole...
Friday, June 14, 2013
i am stunned... (yeah, all lower case, it's that bad...)
No, actually, I am drop-kicked to my knees.
How in the name of anything even remotely Holy do we keep finding these monsters??? And why are they still alive after all of these years and living in freedom??? In America???
Michael Karkoc. 94 years of age. If you are even remotely guilty of what you are being accused of I personally want to whip the flesh off of you in a public square. And then set you on fire. During a parade that throws more gasoline on you. I want to see you suffer in ways that literally make the core of my being curdle.
You lied your way into this country in 1949 and we unfortunately let you in. And let you live in peace and serenity. What a shame all of the thousands that you killed didn't have the same option. You are a former Nazi SS officer that gave orders. Awful orders. Unconscionable orders. The things of nightmares that you can't wake up from. No matter how badly you scream and thrash about...
You torched entire towns. Yes, towns. Way too many of them. You ordered your evil minions to surround them, blockade them and burn them to the ground with all of the inhabitants as kindling. Men. Women. Children. You son of a bitch!!! Collateral damage pails to what you have done... Carnage cannot be written uppercase enough to describe what you did. You helped burn Poland into oblivion.
I have crunched the numbers and I want to vomit. When you came to this country in 1949 you were 30. Back up to the end of World War ll and you were 26. Back that back to the start of hostilities in 1939 and you were 20. How the hell did you get into that position of power that young??? I cannot wrap my head around that kind of evil that young. How angry were you??? More importantly, how the hell were you just able to turn that sort of hatred "off", hide for a couple of years, lie your ass off and end up in Minnesota??? Probably happily eating lutefisk for the last 60 years and putting an American flag on your front porch every 4th of July. You fucking dirtbag!!!
I realize that a life sentence to a man who is 94 really doesn't mean a rats ass but I want to see you behind bars with no windows in the dark. You have more than earned it. And I hope you have horrific nightmares that you cannot wake up from...
How in the name of anything even remotely Holy do we keep finding these monsters??? And why are they still alive after all of these years and living in freedom??? In America???
Michael Karkoc. 94 years of age. If you are even remotely guilty of what you are being accused of I personally want to whip the flesh off of you in a public square. And then set you on fire. During a parade that throws more gasoline on you. I want to see you suffer in ways that literally make the core of my being curdle.
You lied your way into this country in 1949 and we unfortunately let you in. And let you live in peace and serenity. What a shame all of the thousands that you killed didn't have the same option. You are a former Nazi SS officer that gave orders. Awful orders. Unconscionable orders. The things of nightmares that you can't wake up from. No matter how badly you scream and thrash about...
You torched entire towns. Yes, towns. Way too many of them. You ordered your evil minions to surround them, blockade them and burn them to the ground with all of the inhabitants as kindling. Men. Women. Children. You son of a bitch!!! Collateral damage pails to what you have done... Carnage cannot be written uppercase enough to describe what you did. You helped burn Poland into oblivion.
I have crunched the numbers and I want to vomit. When you came to this country in 1949 you were 30. Back up to the end of World War ll and you were 26. Back that back to the start of hostilities in 1939 and you were 20. How the hell did you get into that position of power that young??? I cannot wrap my head around that kind of evil that young. How angry were you??? More importantly, how the hell were you just able to turn that sort of hatred "off", hide for a couple of years, lie your ass off and end up in Minnesota??? Probably happily eating lutefisk for the last 60 years and putting an American flag on your front porch every 4th of July. You fucking dirtbag!!!
I realize that a life sentence to a man who is 94 really doesn't mean a rats ass but I want to see you behind bars with no windows in the dark. You have more than earned it. And I hope you have horrific nightmares that you cannot wake up from...
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
IN THE NAME OF CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE???
How the hell do you get arrested 396 times??? Oh, wait, I forgot, you're a crack whore. Among other things.
396 times??? WTF??? You have more mug shots than my graduating class from high school had senior pictures!!! On one hand, I'm terribly frightened. On the other hand I'm sort of impressed. Well, kind of. Nah, not really. OK, to be kind, I have a number of mug shots myself. Four as an adult (trust me, I use that term VERY loosely) and at least two that I vaguely remember as a juvenile. What can I say, ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. Actually, yes I will. But that's a whole other post... And why do mug shots always make the picture on your drivers license look like a formal portrait from Olin Mills???
396 times??? Under 86 different aliases??? 86 different freaking aliases??? HOLY SHITBALLS!!! Cupcake, how many wallets did you steal??? Hell, a better question would be, what haven't you stolen??? I have crunched the numbers. You have been arrested more than seven and a half times a year since you were born!!! Shit, girl, you're a bloody fucking mess. You make me look like a viable candidate for the US Supreme Court. And that is a stretch by any standard...
You have gone down on multiple counts of robbery, assault, prostitution, (I can only imagine what a nasty piece of pussy that must be)... Hold on a second here... You actually got someone to pay for that thing??? How hard up were these guys??? I cannot type "ICK!!!" in boldface type boldface enough to show my shock. That is just nasty!!!
The police know you by name. When they scoop you out of the middle of the street. Naked. Foaming at the mouth. Yeah, naked in the middle of the street and foaming at the mouth. And yet, someone is apparently ready, willing and able to pay for your nether regions. In the name of whatever, how horny do straight guys get???
You are now behind bars. Again. Thank god for small favors. Your last offense??? Well, it seems that you attacked a 75 year old man from Bosnia who does not speak English. With a dinner fork. A dinner fork??? Sorry, but I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. You attacked a 75 year old non English speaking Bosnian man with a dinner fork??? A dinner spoon would have made more sense because it is easier to cook up some crack in a spoon than a fork. Oh, wait, I forgot, you're sort of fucked up. No, wait, you're incredibly fucked up.
My worst nightmare is being a member of the jury at one of your seemingly endless trials. Twelve innocent people projectile vomiting is not something I ever want to be a part of. EVER!!!
There but by the grace of god...
396 times??? WTF??? You have more mug shots than my graduating class from high school had senior pictures!!! On one hand, I'm terribly frightened. On the other hand I'm sort of impressed. Well, kind of. Nah, not really. OK, to be kind, I have a number of mug shots myself. Four as an adult (trust me, I use that term VERY loosely) and at least two that I vaguely remember as a juvenile. What can I say, ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. Actually, yes I will. But that's a whole other post... And why do mug shots always make the picture on your drivers license look like a formal portrait from Olin Mills???
396 times??? Under 86 different aliases??? 86 different freaking aliases??? HOLY SHITBALLS!!! Cupcake, how many wallets did you steal??? Hell, a better question would be, what haven't you stolen??? I have crunched the numbers. You have been arrested more than seven and a half times a year since you were born!!! Shit, girl, you're a bloody fucking mess. You make me look like a viable candidate for the US Supreme Court. And that is a stretch by any standard...
You have gone down on multiple counts of robbery, assault, prostitution, (I can only imagine what a nasty piece of pussy that must be)... Hold on a second here... You actually got someone to pay for that thing??? How hard up were these guys??? I cannot type "ICK!!!" in boldface type boldface enough to show my shock. That is just nasty!!!
The police know you by name. When they scoop you out of the middle of the street. Naked. Foaming at the mouth. Yeah, naked in the middle of the street and foaming at the mouth. And yet, someone is apparently ready, willing and able to pay for your nether regions. In the name of whatever, how horny do straight guys get???
You are now behind bars. Again. Thank god for small favors. Your last offense??? Well, it seems that you attacked a 75 year old man from Bosnia who does not speak English. With a dinner fork. A dinner fork??? Sorry, but I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. You attacked a 75 year old non English speaking Bosnian man with a dinner fork??? A dinner spoon would have made more sense because it is easier to cook up some crack in a spoon than a fork. Oh, wait, I forgot, you're sort of fucked up. No, wait, you're incredibly fucked up.
My worst nightmare is being a member of the jury at one of your seemingly endless trials. Twelve innocent people projectile vomiting is not something I ever want to be a part of. EVER!!!
There but by the grace of god...
Saturday, June 8, 2013
SEPIA...
Aah, sepia... It's my favorite color. Or should I call it a non-color... It captivates me and makes my heart sing. It embraces me. And I embrace it. It's like a blanket made of alpaca. It just doesn't get any better than that.
Let me explain. I am, or at least was, a photographer. Black and white was my forte. Black and white was magical. It was honest and true. No gimmicks or distractions. Just an image. Frozen in time. Forever. Just the facts. Flowers don't need color to be beautiful. Landscapes don't need it either. Just give me some contrast filters and I could rival Ansel Adams. And that is NOT an easy exit to take. All you have to do is make it magnificent in it's purest form. Let the viewer's mind fill in the details. Just whittle it down to its basics and you have something that can be "interpreted" as whatever moves your soul. Or makes you gasp. Or cry. Or dance with joy. And it was "caught" on film. Yes, film. Most of you don't remember that "medium". It was joyous. FILM!!!
Sepia. Again, I explain... Sepia is a word from the ancient Latin. It literally means cuttlefish. Which are brown. Sepia is a tone of color. Think "yellowed". Like an old newspaper from the attic. Or one of those VERY old, "yellowed" black and white Kodak photos you found in your grandmothers desk as you cleaned out her house after the funeral. That moment is frozen in time forever. More than likely of people you don't have a clue of who they are. But that does not matter. They are frozen in sepia. A wonderful place to be and left for us to try to figure out.
I remember my youth (dare I say, my childhood) in sepia. A wonderfully, joyous time in black and white, soaked in tea to give it that color. Grandma's yard was awash in color. Hollyhocks. Petunias. Morning Glories of an amazing palette of colors. And green. But now, decades later, I remember it in sepia. Yellowed but rich in it's vibrancy. But still, sepia. A different place, a different time and a different "space".
I remember myself, bursting out of her house, naked and running through the neighborhood. Nipples to the wind. A four-year old. With her chasing behind me, through the strawberries and the tomatoes. Desperately trying to keep me out of the neighbors yard. To no avail. What can I say... I'm just me.
Sepia, I salute you...
You have made me the crazy I am today...
Let me explain. I am, or at least was, a photographer. Black and white was my forte. Black and white was magical. It was honest and true. No gimmicks or distractions. Just an image. Frozen in time. Forever. Just the facts. Flowers don't need color to be beautiful. Landscapes don't need it either. Just give me some contrast filters and I could rival Ansel Adams. And that is NOT an easy exit to take. All you have to do is make it magnificent in it's purest form. Let the viewer's mind fill in the details. Just whittle it down to its basics and you have something that can be "interpreted" as whatever moves your soul. Or makes you gasp. Or cry. Or dance with joy. And it was "caught" on film. Yes, film. Most of you don't remember that "medium". It was joyous. FILM!!!
Sepia. Again, I explain... Sepia is a word from the ancient Latin. It literally means cuttlefish. Which are brown. Sepia is a tone of color. Think "yellowed". Like an old newspaper from the attic. Or one of those VERY old, "yellowed" black and white Kodak photos you found in your grandmothers desk as you cleaned out her house after the funeral. That moment is frozen in time forever. More than likely of people you don't have a clue of who they are. But that does not matter. They are frozen in sepia. A wonderful place to be and left for us to try to figure out.
I remember my youth (dare I say, my childhood) in sepia. A wonderfully, joyous time in black and white, soaked in tea to give it that color. Grandma's yard was awash in color. Hollyhocks. Petunias. Morning Glories of an amazing palette of colors. And green. But now, decades later, I remember it in sepia. Yellowed but rich in it's vibrancy. But still, sepia. A different place, a different time and a different "space".
I remember myself, bursting out of her house, naked and running through the neighborhood. Nipples to the wind. A four-year old. With her chasing behind me, through the strawberries and the tomatoes. Desperately trying to keep me out of the neighbors yard. To no avail. What can I say... I'm just me.
Sepia, I salute you...
You have made me the crazy I am today...
Thursday, June 6, 2013
OK, IN MY BOOK THIS IS A CAPITAL CRIME!!!
If this nimrod worked for me I would fire him just out of principle. After I had whipped him severely about the head and shoulders for an extended period of time.
Friends of a woman living in Atlanta decided to throw her a surprise birthday party and decided that it would be fun to have a melted chocolate fountain to dip the strawberries, the pretzels and rippled potato chips in. I like that. Hey, with friends like that you know that your back will always be covered. To make the party all the more easier they decided to have it catered. Always a good idea. Well, maybe not this time...
From the sound of things all went swimmingly and the birthday girl was thrilled. Until the next morning that is. That's when she discovered that her kitchen sink was clogged up and the garbage disposal was jammed. She attempted the broom handle trick on the disposal to no avail. She also noticed that her disposal seemed to be pretty much full of something solid. Way solid. If this did not strike a personal nerve in me of such a deep nature I would probably be laughing my ass off.
It seems that the night before as the catering staff was cleaning up after the party one of them decided it made sense to just dump the rest of the melted chocolate that was left over down her kitchen sink. TEN POUNDS of melted chocolate!!! (See, I told this was a capital crime.) One, it's a stupid idea. Two, it's chocolate. Ten pounds of it. Throwing away chocolate is like drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa. It's chocolate. CHOCOLATE!!! C,mon, you guys know me. I've been known to trade sexual favors for chocolate. Chocolate is a definitive part of my food pyramid.
So, the lady calls a plumber. OK, he's a bit stumped. His plumbers snake is useless so he tries pressure forcing it out. Guess what? All of the pipes under her sink rupture. To cut to the chase, $2,500, a new garbage disposal, new pipes under the sink, 8 feet of new pipe behind the wall and a large section of removed wall later she has use of her sink back. Yeah, she is NOT a happy camper.
By this time she has indeed contacted the catering agency. And they happily inform her that it is not their responsibility and they are not going to pay for the damages. WHAT??? Again, WHAT??? As some of you know, I used to run a catering agency. I would be groveling to this lady. As I beat the employee senseless and summarily tossed him down the elevator shaft. And not so much because he had just cost me $2500 but because he had thrown out chocolate. TEN FREAKING POUNDS OF IT!!! Ask the lady if she has some Tupperware. Pack it up for her. Put in her refrigerator. Hand it out to the departing guests. Steal it, I don't care. But you NEVER throw out chocolate. It's chocolate for crap's sake!!! CHOCOLATE!!!
If I were that caterer I would personally help this lady sue my former employee back to the Stone Age. He deserves to spend some time as a prison bitch!
You mindless idiot!!! IT'S CHOCOLATE!!!
Friends of a woman living in Atlanta decided to throw her a surprise birthday party and decided that it would be fun to have a melted chocolate fountain to dip the strawberries, the pretzels and rippled potato chips in. I like that. Hey, with friends like that you know that your back will always be covered. To make the party all the more easier they decided to have it catered. Always a good idea. Well, maybe not this time...
From the sound of things all went swimmingly and the birthday girl was thrilled. Until the next morning that is. That's when she discovered that her kitchen sink was clogged up and the garbage disposal was jammed. She attempted the broom handle trick on the disposal to no avail. She also noticed that her disposal seemed to be pretty much full of something solid. Way solid. If this did not strike a personal nerve in me of such a deep nature I would probably be laughing my ass off.
It seems that the night before as the catering staff was cleaning up after the party one of them decided it made sense to just dump the rest of the melted chocolate that was left over down her kitchen sink. TEN POUNDS of melted chocolate!!! (See, I told this was a capital crime.) One, it's a stupid idea. Two, it's chocolate. Ten pounds of it. Throwing away chocolate is like drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa. It's chocolate. CHOCOLATE!!! C,mon, you guys know me. I've been known to trade sexual favors for chocolate. Chocolate is a definitive part of my food pyramid.
So, the lady calls a plumber. OK, he's a bit stumped. His plumbers snake is useless so he tries pressure forcing it out. Guess what? All of the pipes under her sink rupture. To cut to the chase, $2,500, a new garbage disposal, new pipes under the sink, 8 feet of new pipe behind the wall and a large section of removed wall later she has use of her sink back. Yeah, she is NOT a happy camper.
By this time she has indeed contacted the catering agency. And they happily inform her that it is not their responsibility and they are not going to pay for the damages. WHAT??? Again, WHAT??? As some of you know, I used to run a catering agency. I would be groveling to this lady. As I beat the employee senseless and summarily tossed him down the elevator shaft. And not so much because he had just cost me $2500 but because he had thrown out chocolate. TEN FREAKING POUNDS OF IT!!! Ask the lady if she has some Tupperware. Pack it up for her. Put in her refrigerator. Hand it out to the departing guests. Steal it, I don't care. But you NEVER throw out chocolate. It's chocolate for crap's sake!!! CHOCOLATE!!!
If I were that caterer I would personally help this lady sue my former employee back to the Stone Age. He deserves to spend some time as a prison bitch!
You mindless idiot!!! IT'S CHOCOLATE!!!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE BLOODY FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!
DATELINE: HeadUpYourAss, New Jersey.
OK, this has taken me almost 15 minutes to calm down from. I am in a state of rage like I have NEVER experienced in my life. I'm not sure if I just want to go chew down a couple of trees like a beaver or tear this SOB's head off and shit down the hole!!! WTF?!?!?
I remember hearing about this shit head a couple of years ago and it shocked me. He has now somehow managed to float to the surface again. This time at a child custody hearing. And he showed up in court wearing an authentic WW II Nazi uniform looking like Adolf Hitler. Yes, you heard me right. HITLER!!! This is the same idiot that named one of his sons Adolf Hitler. Yeah, no wonder they took your kids away from you!!! Do you honestly think showing up in court dressed as Hitler is going to impress any judge with a centavo's worth of grey matter???
Yes, he is a Neo-Nazi sympathizer. Yes, he is the founder of his own little cult called "Hitler's Order". (What is just not right about using those two words in the same breath???) Yes, he is the same idiot who had a melt down at a local bakery when they would not put "Happy Birthday, Adolf Hitler" on his sons birthday cake. And yes, he has the vocabulary skills and intellect of a toothpick. That alone does not surprise me...
But to walk into a court room dressed as Hitler at a child custody hearing??? He actually was quoted as saying that he dressed like that because he is "comfortable" wearing the uniform. Well, that would make one of you. HITLER??? And that he felt that it would make the judge see that he is a responsible parent. HITLER???
Dude, what part of a maniac starting a world war that caused 52 freaking million deaths, 12 million of which were nothing but a cold blooded slaughter of innocent victims in death camps are you happily ignoring??? You are a monster of the worst imaginable degree. What woman in her right mind would give you 4 children??? All of which you gave weird Nazi based names to. Where the hell did you get an authentic Nazi uniform from??? More importantly, how can you wear that thing with your shoulders back and your head held high??? Let alone in a court room to prove your "responsibility" as a parent???
My first thought was that you actually are brain dead but then I realized that you actually have to have a brain for it to die. You do not have a brain. Or a heart. Or a soul. Or any shred of humanity as we know it.
You, Heath Campbell, are an abomination of indescribable measure. There is not a word vile enough that I can attach to you to describe the aberration that you are. You are a walking nightmare of unimaginable proportions. Given the chance I would gladly horsewhip the flesh and organs off of your worthless skeleton and give you a taste of that "Order" that you proudly support. And then smile as I ordered the rest of your mindless minions to the gas chambers. Fortunately, I have a brain. And a heart. And a soul. Those 3 things will not allow me to sink to your level. And because of that I am able to sleep at night.
Strangely, I kind of thank you and your idiocy. It keeps reminding us of just how low we are capable of sinking as a species. How monstrous we can become. Just how deep into the muck we can go if we are not constantly reminded of how horrid we can be. You and your kind scare the fucking shit out of me. But as long as you keep spewing the verbal diarrhea that you feel so empowered to do it just keeps reminding the rest of us that we have to do everything in our power to stop it from happening again. EVER!!!
Why is it that the lowest common denominator always keeps asking for bigger shovels to dig that hole a little bit deeper??? And to smile while they are doing it...
OK, this has taken me almost 15 minutes to calm down from. I am in a state of rage like I have NEVER experienced in my life. I'm not sure if I just want to go chew down a couple of trees like a beaver or tear this SOB's head off and shit down the hole!!! WTF?!?!?
I remember hearing about this shit head a couple of years ago and it shocked me. He has now somehow managed to float to the surface again. This time at a child custody hearing. And he showed up in court wearing an authentic WW II Nazi uniform looking like Adolf Hitler. Yes, you heard me right. HITLER!!! This is the same idiot that named one of his sons Adolf Hitler. Yeah, no wonder they took your kids away from you!!! Do you honestly think showing up in court dressed as Hitler is going to impress any judge with a centavo's worth of grey matter???
Yes, he is a Neo-Nazi sympathizer. Yes, he is the founder of his own little cult called "Hitler's Order". (What is just not right about using those two words in the same breath???) Yes, he is the same idiot who had a melt down at a local bakery when they would not put "Happy Birthday, Adolf Hitler" on his sons birthday cake. And yes, he has the vocabulary skills and intellect of a toothpick. That alone does not surprise me...
But to walk into a court room dressed as Hitler at a child custody hearing??? He actually was quoted as saying that he dressed like that because he is "comfortable" wearing the uniform. Well, that would make one of you. HITLER??? And that he felt that it would make the judge see that he is a responsible parent. HITLER???
Dude, what part of a maniac starting a world war that caused 52 freaking million deaths, 12 million of which were nothing but a cold blooded slaughter of innocent victims in death camps are you happily ignoring??? You are a monster of the worst imaginable degree. What woman in her right mind would give you 4 children??? All of which you gave weird Nazi based names to. Where the hell did you get an authentic Nazi uniform from??? More importantly, how can you wear that thing with your shoulders back and your head held high??? Let alone in a court room to prove your "responsibility" as a parent???
My first thought was that you actually are brain dead but then I realized that you actually have to have a brain for it to die. You do not have a brain. Or a heart. Or a soul. Or any shred of humanity as we know it.
You, Heath Campbell, are an abomination of indescribable measure. There is not a word vile enough that I can attach to you to describe the aberration that you are. You are a walking nightmare of unimaginable proportions. Given the chance I would gladly horsewhip the flesh and organs off of your worthless skeleton and give you a taste of that "Order" that you proudly support. And then smile as I ordered the rest of your mindless minions to the gas chambers. Fortunately, I have a brain. And a heart. And a soul. Those 3 things will not allow me to sink to your level. And because of that I am able to sleep at night.
Strangely, I kind of thank you and your idiocy. It keeps reminding us of just how low we are capable of sinking as a species. How monstrous we can become. Just how deep into the muck we can go if we are not constantly reminded of how horrid we can be. You and your kind scare the fucking shit out of me. But as long as you keep spewing the verbal diarrhea that you feel so empowered to do it just keeps reminding the rest of us that we have to do everything in our power to stop it from happening again. EVER!!!
Why is it that the lowest common denominator always keeps asking for bigger shovels to dig that hole a little bit deeper??? And to smile while they are doing it...
Monday, June 3, 2013
I'M SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW THAT I COULD LLAUNCH A LLOGGIE LIKE A LLAMA!!!!
Yeah, I'm that freaking pissed off right now.
Have you heard about this??? Only in Texas could things be this screwed up. Have you folks down there forgotten that you are a part of the United States??? The rest of this country, which you apparently are not a part of has something called a justice system. Jurisprudence, as it were. Us simple minded folks refer to it as innocent until proven guilty. It's a principle of our legal system. Carved in stone as I recall. Has something to do with the Constitution. It's called legal protection under the law. It's one of our basic rights, for chris'sakes!!!
At any rate, I digress in my anger.
A high school in Texas has sort of (actually BIG TIME) arbitrarily decided to refuse its top graduating, straight A student from attending graduation ceremony for allegedly drinking alcohol before attending her senior prom. Allegedly??? Let me put that in a different light... A-L-L-E-D-G-E-D-L-Y??? WTFAYT??? Oh, wait, you're not thinking. You're from Texas. Or as I like to say, Tex-ASS!!! I keep forgetting that you are home to that Bush group of inbred sob's.
School officials yanked her and several other students out of the prom and on what appears to be a whim and decided to gut her for what is yet to be proved accusations of having been drinking. Were the authorities called? No. Was a breathalyzer performed? No. Was anything done in a way that made sense and in a responsible adult way? No. Was anyone else who was removed treated this way? No.
Had she been drinking? I don't care, it was Senior Prom. Who the hell is sober at Senior Prom??? Trust me, been there, done that, got the puke stains on the back seat of mom's Buick. Yeah, I got nailed. But at least I had the privilege of some evidence. You did NOT give this young woman the same dignity or chance to explain. No, you just decided to t-bone her. And make it personal. Did you nail the rest of the students that you ejected??? No. You just decided to single out your Valedictorian without a single shred of evidence. Just an accusation. An accusation. An ACCUSATION. You dirt bags. How can you sleep at night? How can you look in a mirror? How can you call yourselves "educators"??? You have happily given this young woman straight A's for 12 years for her excellent academic abilities and then somehow managed to destroy her with an unfounded, unproven, completely horse-shit accusation. Yes, let me repeat that... an accusation. An accusation does not fly well in this country. At least not the country that I aspire to be a citizen of. It's called burden of proof. And you don't have a rat's ass worth of that against this young woman. Yet you back yourselves up with this bull-headed, shit-headed, head up your asses attitude that you have the right to make these "judgements". How dare you!!! You FUCKING pin heads!!!
She has every right to sue you back to the stone age (oh, wait, I forgot, you're Texas, you're already there) and I will personally donate to her legal defense. What part of "innocent until PROVEN guilty" have you stupid shitheads seemingly forgotten is a RIGHT in MY country???????
I hope she eats you alive and doesn't leave enough left to cast a freaking shadow !!!
You go girl!!!
Have you heard about this??? Only in Texas could things be this screwed up. Have you folks down there forgotten that you are a part of the United States??? The rest of this country, which you apparently are not a part of has something called a justice system. Jurisprudence, as it were. Us simple minded folks refer to it as innocent until proven guilty. It's a principle of our legal system. Carved in stone as I recall. Has something to do with the Constitution. It's called legal protection under the law. It's one of our basic rights, for chris'sakes!!!
At any rate, I digress in my anger.
A high school in Texas has sort of (actually BIG TIME) arbitrarily decided to refuse its top graduating, straight A student from attending graduation ceremony for allegedly drinking alcohol before attending her senior prom. Allegedly??? Let me put that in a different light... A-L-L-E-D-G-E-D-L-Y??? WTFAYT??? Oh, wait, you're not thinking. You're from Texas. Or as I like to say, Tex-ASS!!! I keep forgetting that you are home to that Bush group of inbred sob's.
School officials yanked her and several other students out of the prom and on what appears to be a whim and decided to gut her for what is yet to be proved accusations of having been drinking. Were the authorities called? No. Was a breathalyzer performed? No. Was anything done in a way that made sense and in a responsible adult way? No. Was anyone else who was removed treated this way? No.
Had she been drinking? I don't care, it was Senior Prom. Who the hell is sober at Senior Prom??? Trust me, been there, done that, got the puke stains on the back seat of mom's Buick. Yeah, I got nailed. But at least I had the privilege of some evidence. You did NOT give this young woman the same dignity or chance to explain. No, you just decided to t-bone her. And make it personal. Did you nail the rest of the students that you ejected??? No. You just decided to single out your Valedictorian without a single shred of evidence. Just an accusation. An accusation. An ACCUSATION. You dirt bags. How can you sleep at night? How can you look in a mirror? How can you call yourselves "educators"??? You have happily given this young woman straight A's for 12 years for her excellent academic abilities and then somehow managed to destroy her with an unfounded, unproven, completely horse-shit accusation. Yes, let me repeat that... an accusation. An accusation does not fly well in this country. At least not the country that I aspire to be a citizen of. It's called burden of proof. And you don't have a rat's ass worth of that against this young woman. Yet you back yourselves up with this bull-headed, shit-headed, head up your asses attitude that you have the right to make these "judgements". How dare you!!! You FUCKING pin heads!!!
She has every right to sue you back to the stone age (oh, wait, I forgot, you're Texas, you're already there) and I will personally donate to her legal defense. What part of "innocent until PROVEN guilty" have you stupid shitheads seemingly forgotten is a RIGHT in MY country???????
I hope she eats you alive and doesn't leave enough left to cast a freaking shadow !!!
You go girl!!!
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