HYPOGLYCEMIA...

Oh, goddess, why did you do this to me???

Hypoglycemia.  It's a fucking horrid medical condition.  And I'm up to my tits in it!!!  For those of you out there that know, well, you know that I've got it.  You've seen me have some "episodes" as I like to call them.  For the rest of you, let me fill you in...

I come from a LONG line of diabetics.  Yeah, that means your pancreas just isn't making enough natural insulin and your blood sugar sky rockets.  It's called insulin injections.  Well, I decided to take the other exit.  I have, quite possibly, the worlds most over active pancreas that you can imagine.  For no reason whatsoever it will kick into hyper-drive and flood my system with so much insulin that it doesn't need it hurts.  If I am lucky I may get as much as 30 seconds warning.  But usually not.  With any luck I at least get to sink to my knees before I pass out.  But again, sometimes not.  That sucks ass and I have the scars to prove it.

With no warning I get dizzy.  Then I get tunnel vision.  Then I start wobbling.  If I'm lucky I can at least scream "HELP!!!" before I quite literally disappear into the abyss.  Gasping for breath and sweating like a race horse. Fucking horrid and nightmarish is just the tip of the iceberg.  Over the last 10 years I have educated Sea Squirt on this nightmare.  I've no other option, he's just seen me go through this WAY too many times.  When he hears me yell "juice, now!!!" he knows what I mean.  He has literally picked me up off my back, propped me up and just started shoveling sugar into my mouth.  For the next hour I am a babbling idiot, yet, he manages to put up with it.  Thank goddess for small favors.

I did not know that I had this until I was 38.  I came within seconds of totally passing out while driving on the Interstate.  I luckily managed to make it to the shoulder and get the car into park.  It scared the bloody shit out of me.  A couple of weeks later I'm sitting on an exam table at a doctors visit and just go flat on my back.  They tested my blood sugar.  I didn't have any. None!!! Yeah, pretty much completely fucked. They poured so much juice into me it was amazing. I finally regained conscientiousness to find myself hooked up to a glucose drip.  It took me almost two hours to become vocal again.  Scary as fuck!!!  Well, of course, I end up with a nutritionist who tries to help me through this hell.  I had to completely change the way that I ate.  I had to give up 3 squares a day and become a grazer.  Yeah, I became a "muncher".  Pasta and I became very good friends.  I had to give up doughnuts.  That alone damned near made me want to hang myself!!!  But you do what you gotta do, right?

Over the last 2 decades I have realized that even when you do everything right sometimes it just doesn't work.  A pancreas can be a real bitch.  A truly completely  mean bitch!!!  Passing out is not my idea of a walk in the park with a purse dog.  Over the last year I have been getting slammed by this.  Big time. At least three times a month.  Out of nowhere for no fucking reason.  I hate unconsciousness.  goddess, why???  WHY???  Give me an answer.  Or at the very least, a clue...  Am I supposed to be learning something from this???  Just gotta tell you, it just isn't working real well.  Getting fucked dry just doesn't make a lot of sense...

To my fellow victims of this nightmare, I bow to you. Hell, I bow to us.  Only we can know what this means.  This just ain't easy.  With any luck you have very good friends that will pick you up, dust you off, prop you up, bring you some juice and a towel to wipe off the drool that we are more than likely covered in.  Sometimes shit happens.  And then sometimes shit just sucks ass!!!  I hate being picked up off of the floor when I'm not even really fucked up on something fun to do.

I want to sub-divide my pancreas and put in on Craig's List just to get rid of most of it.  I just don't need this much pancreas.  Or an enemy that evil.  goddess... why???