Google "gay Des Moines". I dare you. You will be as surprised as I was! This place is apparently rocking its gay booty off. Des Moines??? Iowa??? Good golly, Miss Molly! What is going on in those corn fields?
They have a bar called "The Blazing Saddle" whose motto is "Always a double and never a cover". I'm loving that! It offers leather nights, drag shows and techno dance music to the LGBT and sometimes Y crowd. What that all means in Iowa has me kind of intrigued and terribly scared at the same time. I can only a imagine a parking lot full of John Deere's.
Then there's a place called "The Garden" where call drinks are only $2.50. ALL the time. Again, I'm loving that. Get this, for only 75 cents more they'll make it a double! Oh god, marry me!
There's a club called "Rio" that openly advertises itself as "straight friendly". I'm picturing totally gay with a couple of really old widowers wearing DeKalb baseball caps looking for a little down-low time. Hey, whatever floats your combine...
The Des Moines Gay Men's Chorus? Yep, they've even got that! I've heard that their last concert tour was a tribute to the music of The Beverly Hillbillies. A little Earl Flatt and Lester Scrugg's anyone? How about that theme song? A dance tune if I've ever heard one.
And get this... the city actually offered a free honeymoon package to the first same sex couple from Argentina that got married down there after the country legalized it. Does anyone in Des Moines even speak Spanish? Does anyone in Argentina even know where Iowa is? Would they want to??? And just how the bloody hell do you get from Buenos Aires to Des Moines anyway? That had to be like booking passage from Tierra del Fuego to the moon.
I've got stand up and salute them though. Quite a bold move, legalizing same sex marriage, in a state known for little more than corn, tornadoes, a population density of almost 54 per square mile and the Amish. What the hell is going on in those buggies? Either the referendum to legalize same sex marriage was worded so weirdly that no one knew what they were voting for or absolutely EVERY lawyer in the state voted for it. You know what's even better than legal same sex marriages? Legal same sex marriage divorces! Line your pockets guys, just like you always do. Personally, I prefer to just look my soon to be ex in the eye, say "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee" and then throw some of his god damn cat's poop on his shoes. It's simple, it's direct, it's effective and whole hell of a lot cheaper. Now get the bloody hell out of here, you cheating bastard!!!
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