Ahhh, yes, watermelons. Well, melons of any sort. But watermelons. Holy shit, they're like a narcotic to me Can you say Oxycontin???
As you all know by now, I am a Southern boy by birth and nothing says the South like the annual family reunion at grandma and grandpa's house. Aunts and uncles, cousins and way too many people with way too little teeth or way too little ability to walk upright. The garden would be raided, chickens would have their heads rung off, oil would be heated up to temps that rivaled the sun and a banquet would be presented. But the best part was always dessert. Watermelons that grandma would let the youngest of us go drag up from the garden that my uncles would ice down in the shade for the entire day. Those things were heavenly.
For those of you born after the early 1970's you really don't know what a watermelon truly is. They were huge!!! You didn't even think about picking them until they were at least 3 feet long. They barely fit under your arm and they were damned near too big to carry without a wheel barrow. Grandma taught me well. "Thumping" a watermelon was just stupid, you had to turn it over. If it was yellow on the bottom it was ripe. I was 4 years old. Trust me, I learned really early how to find the ripe ones. If you stuck a knife in that thing and it cracked completely open then that sucker was ready to go. Hey, who's got the salt shaker? Yeah, the salt shaker... Grandma, I thank you for your lessons.
By the end of the 1970's I had given up on watermelons. They had gotten a bit weird for me. They had gotten seedless. What the hell is up with that??? That takes all the fun out of it. C'mon, half the fun of a watermelon was the seed spitting contest from grandma's front porch glider. Then there was yellow ones. Huh? What??? Then there was those totally strange Japanese square ones. WTF??? Then today we have those "personal" watermelons. I just don't get it, like I'm going to cut a hole in it and "stchuup" it??? Trust me, I'm gay but I'm not THAT gay!!! god gave me opposable thumbs for a reason!!! Just give me damned watermelon the size of my uncle's Pontiac and let me go face down in it!!! Hey, my needs are simple...
This year for some reason I developed a craving for watermelon again. Big time. WAY big time. I have eaten more watermelons in the last two months than I have eaten in the last 4 decades. I have been drawn to them like a crack-whore in heat. Yep, Sea Squirt has found me in the kitchen at the sink just devouring half a watermelon with seeds in my ears and rinds in my hands and a smile on my face. I have made watermelon margarita's, watermelon salsa, watermelon salads, you name it and I have been making it. Yes, watermelon has once again made me its bitch.
Life is SO good!!! If I only still had grandma's recipe for pickled watermelon rind it would be even better!
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