The pineapple thing... It has now gone from fun, to a fixation to a fetish. As the goddess is my witness I WILL make one of these little sob's work!!!
It's March. That is the start of pineapple season. They are on sale. Two dollars. In an odd way I am in shopper heaven. I actually had several people giving me strange looks in the produce section the other day. I was going through a pallet of pineapples like a crack whore. I was feeling them. I was smelling them. I was looking at the leaves. I got questioned. I shared my expertise on pineapples. I know more about pineapples than any one human should ever know. Google, pineapples and I are very good friends now. At this point I should be working for Dole and living in Costa Rica.
As you are all aware of by now I am trying to grow a pineapple plant. So far, no success. And it's pissing me off so damned bad that I want to chew through re-bar. At the moment I have one in a small pot of dirt and another hanging by toothpicks in a small jar of water. Whether either one of them takes off is a crap shoot. But I will indeed persevere in this endeavour.
So, pineapples are on sale. A very good friends birthday is this coming Wednesday so, of course, I bought a pineapple to give to her. Did you know that the pineapple is the universal sign of "welcome"? Neither did I but like I said I know WAY too much about pineapples now. At anywho, hers is setting in my refrigerator at the moment and I just finished carving up the other one that I bought for Sea Squirt and me. BTW, he loves fresh pineapple. Good thing, because I am dragging those damned things home by the bag full in an attempt to become a pineapple farmer.
Guess what? I find three seeds. Yes, three pineapple seeds! At the ripe old age of 60 I finally got to lay my eyes on pineapple seeds. What can I say, sometimes it's the little things that make you do a happy dance. And I did indeed do a happy dance. Sea Squirt walked into the kitchen and sees me with my bathrobe around my ankles doing something very similar to a quarterback that has just made a touchdown. I was almost in tears. YES!!! I HAD PINEAPPLE SEEDS!!! I felt just like little Ralphie when he got the Red Rider pellet rifle for Christmas.
Those three little beauties have been thoroughly rinsed off and are now drying on a paper napkin. I'm going to plant them tomorrow in a pot full of Antigo silt loam. Which, BTW, is the most fertile soil on the face of the planet and is only found here in 'sconsin. It's actually our official state soil. It's the most amazing top soil that you can possibly imagine. And it smells wonderful!!! This soil and I have a history that goes WAY back. This stuff is so rich that you could throw a shoestring at it and it would grow a shoe store the size of Houston.
I'm not hedging my bets here but if this soil does not give me pineapples then nothing will.
I just want a freaking pineapple plant!!!
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